Hindu Doll Festival Oct 8, 2010

Last Friday, Emily & I were invited to her Indian girlfriend's home to celebrate Navratri Golu, a Hindu doll festival originating in Southern India. Navratri, meaning 9 nights is celebrated for 10 days. This is a display of dolls predominantly with that of the Gods and Goddesses depicting their mythology on an odd number of steps. This is mainly a festival for the women. Every evening, married women and girls dress up in their colorful silk sarees go to see this golu in homes.

We felt very honored to be the only non Indians present along with Tonya (Thai/Canadian) who is like another daughter to me. She looks like she could fit in but actually has more of a Buddisht background. These friends are actually Canadian but honor and keep their culture alive. We did not realize the extent her friend's family practiced their religion. In a closet type space there was an altar where they burn incense and pray daily. In the same small room, there were stairs set up to display the characters. The "dolls" represent the many different faces or attributes of God; knowledge, justice, love, etc. There are 3 main female dieties considered the "trinity" who are especially worshiped during this festival. On the lower shelves are dolls from vairous countries they have visited; ones with personal memories attached much like our collection of Christmas ornaments from places we have visited. Surrounding the display were Christmas lights and burning incense. I had to bathe & wash my hair to get the sweet, strong scent out before I could sleep.

There was great attention to detail in the preparation for this open house. To "keep ants from coming indoors," corn flour is sprinkled (free hand) outside the door in decorative patterns and candles are lit in the designs. Beautiful! The food was artfully prepared and much of it was symbolic & special for this occasion. Each night one vegetarian dish is made as an offering to the goddesses, then served with the meal. The food is served with a delicious variety of breads which double as utensils. Eating with our fingers seemed to work out okay until a new guest arrived; shaking hands while eating without a fork left me feeling a bit...messy!

Our hostess greeted her Indian guests with a touch of 3 different spices applied to their foreheads & throats. One of them stood for purity, I forgot what the others meant. She also had individual gift bags for each of the many guests who called. There was a very respectful rhythm to the evening and it felt rather formal. It seemed more cultural to me but I recogized it was deeply religious for some. Our desire for the sacred is so universal, its expression so varied.

Emily, Tanya & I felt so under dressed! We didn't realize how dolled up the ladies would be. It was actually the first time for her friend to wear a "half saree" so it was a very special occasion. We were told that young girls get to wear these less cumbersome dresses first; when they are older, they get to wear the full sari which has something like 6 meters of fabric to learn to navigate in! The women & girls were stunningly beautiful and Emily was remorseful that there is no "American traditional dress!" In addition to the clothes, many ladies had placed carefully laced jasmine flowers into their hair, so when giving a hug, there is this heavenly scent of jasmine! This was really lovely.

Having spent and evening with this family with whom we have a growing friendship, puts Hindu practices into such a different light. As my brother, Don, explained to Molly in regards to going off to university; there is still a sense of cognitive dissonance in situations like these. The "old tapes" still play, though muted...idol worship, false gods, etc. To use a British expression, they sort of "take the Mickey out" of themselves by they way they describe the stories of their goddesses as "mythology." To me, myths are all human concoctions to explain the unexplainable as opposed to the Truth we have come to know about God through Jesus Christ. More and more, I find myself wanting to say to people dear to me who are such God-seeking, devout, loving people: I would love for you to meet Jesus, he has so much to say that is relevant in every culture! I desire to discover a way to do this that does not judge or condemn for that is an arrogance I cannot afford.

Jail

My contact at the P embassy gave me the thumbs up that I could join her for a visit to our stranded Filipino maid at the deportation center (fancy word for jail complete with high barbed wire fences.) I was sooo happy to get to go to jail! A 45 minute drive through jam packed roads brought us to the big gray complex. My friend took half an hour or more to get past 3 guards & finally get permission to bring me in with her to see "the general." I scooped up the bag of goodies I'd brought her and joined the conference in the lovely office with A/C & wall mounted TV. Our dis-sheveled friend was brought in wearing a tee shirt with holes and ratty jogging pants; she had obviously lost weight and was sick with a cough. The man asked her "why are you still here?" "I don't know." "Did you steal money?" "No sir." The rest of us were seated comfortably, she was left to stand the entire meeting.

After much running after files & conferencing, they said she must have a case against her & promised to look into it. The word on the street is that her sponsor is related to the immigration official and is trying to extract more money before letting her go. In other words, "wasta" is needed for this case.

We were hoping to visit the ward where other Filipino women were kept but were told to come back at three o'clock for that. It was obvious this was a delay tactic meant to make us lose interest. When my friend told them she needed to see her Filipino women, he relented, but said "only you may go"...unsaid: not the westerner.

I was thrilled to be able to give Gina a hug, say a quick prayer with her, and leave the bag after it had been searched. She said she prayed for someone to help her then looked in her phone and found my number. I pray just by being there, somehow, that will help her hold on, help the ones in power to act with integrity, send a message that we expect justice to take place. A report will be filed at her embassy and once again, we will wait...

Better than a Hallelujah

Amy Grant's "honest cries of a breaking heart are better than a hallelujah sometimes..." was a balm to my sad soul today after talking with one of our maids who called me from jail. Gina was in my 7 Habits class last spring but she left the Philippine Embassy shelter April 6; one of the unlucky ones who had to go to the "detention center" where they are supposed to get processed as undocumented citizens and fly home after a transition of a couple of weeks to a couple of months...she has been there 6 months and "nobody is helping." A text in broken English, then a weepy phone call sent out like a SOS from a sinking boat.

Gina is not just a case number to you God. I spoke to her on your behalf, told her she felt abandoned but you knew where she was and had not forgotten her...6 months in jail (long after the others have been sent home) for being the victim of abuse? I know you love justice so this has got to hurt you even worse than it pierces me. Show me how I can help.

The voice of reason (ie: my husband) says "don't you go near that jail, I don't want to come home and find YOU deported!" Emily tells me to remember, my place is helping them while they are at the shelter...

Gary Haugen (IJM) says "how far do I go? To be brutally honest, as far as I am safe. As far as I am in control. As far as the risks feel manageable. As far as my sphere of certain competence will take me. And consequently, in my secret and most honest moments I sense it doesn't take me very far at all." He goes on in his book Just Courage to ask if God is calling us to be safe or to be brave...

So these are the voices I hear as I go to prayer to ask God to intervene. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with the welfare officer at the Philippine Embassy and she assures me she is checking into it. For now I will resist the urge to grab a bag of supplies and taxi to the deportation center...

Ayisha

September 26, 2010

Year 2 and finally, we have hired a delightful Indian lady to help keep this dust trap clean...meet Ayisha! I met her when she worked for a friend of mine last year. When my friend had to move, she was most anxious to find a good place for her maid to work. Ayisha was already paying for sponsorship through her husband's sponsor/boss and only needed guaranteed work. I knew I could trust her, knew how much she wanted to provide for her two children's education back in India, and felt this would give me even more time to devote to "my girls" at the embassy shelter. We agreed to pay her a monthly salary for two days per week which is 50% more than what my neighbor's maids earn for 7 days per week. I was also able to find another great American family who wanted help 3 days per week to fill out her work schedule.

Ayisha arrives around 8:30 now on Mon & Wed and lets herself in. "Hello Madame" announces her presence but I know she is here when I hear the tiny bells on the bottom of her pants tinkling! She wears the grandest colors & the fanciest clothes I've ever seen anyone clean in. Her matching pants and dresses are trimmed elegantly in beautiful traditional Indian style. Her shyness is slowing dissolving and I'm finding a friend beneath the subservient demeanor she has learned to adopt. Yesterday I paid her extra to come and assist at a baby shower I was hosting (I knew she'd had extra expenses this week) but around the other women from the embassy, she was incredibly shy. She was uncomfortable even coming out of the kitchen to pass out juice or refill tea.

We are getting into a routine where she knows what I always want done, and what can always wait another day... To have my kitchen cleaned & mopped twice a week is so divine. To start the week with all the kids uniforms pressed and hanging up is too good to be true. Not having deep dust on all the furniture around here is such a relief. And coming home on a busy day full of meetings to smell Ayisha's chicken & fried rice on the stove is a little slice of heaven! We now keep her fresh made hummus in the fridge; it's the best in the state. She also loves to make things pretty: she takes pains to artfully garnish her dishes when I have her cook, and the way she arranged the china in the display cupboard was just picture perfect.

Our first few weeks of having her were at the end of Ramadan and she is Muslim. Since she was fasting, we shortened her workday to about 5 hours. We tried not to eat in front of her but she assured us that it was not offensive in the least. As Ramadan was ending, the intensity of their prayers is heightened and she would go to mosque with her husband but pray with the women in a separate place. I suspect the way Asians in this country practice Islam is very different from how Kuwaitis do; especially the women. She is devoted but very non judgemental and open to other faiths. I think she may even go to church with me at some point. We can openly discuss differences in our faith and this week she wanted to know the difference in Catholics & our church. As I was praying for her one day I asked God how I could help her. The answer came so clearly: pray for her children, so I asked her their names & if I could help her pray for them. She looked at me with disbelief, then great joy. She said usually Muslims pray only for themselves but believed it was good to pray for others. She wrote down the names of her children then sheepishly added her sister's little girl to the list because she is very dear to her. Her sister is the caretaker for her 2 children while she and her husband labor here to send them to private school. They have not seen the children for one and a half years. This is the price anyone without adequate means of education & employment must pay in order to secure a better future for their own children in a country where there is not enough to go around. To spend money on a ticket home, or save that precious cash to buy internet access for her teenage daughter who was given a laptop by Ayisha's last employer?? These are the choices she must make.

Ayisha & her husband live in a cramped 3 room apartment at the building his employer owns where he is a caretaker. This tiny space was cooled by a small air conditioning unit which quit working last week. This boss, which she says is really "good" refused to fix or replace the A/C and his wife was annoyed that they should ask. It is still around 120 degrees here in the day and impossible to survive in such conditions without air. They had to come up with the money to buy their own unit. Likewise, this "good" boss requires them to pay for electricity they use in a country where energy is free to Kuwaitis. We think nothing of lighting this enormous house and cooling every room to 70 degrees but when asked why she did not use the crock pot my friend gave her, she said it would cost too much to keep it on for the time it would take to cook.

Today Ayisha is very worried about the potential for violence when the supreme court in India announces the verdict of a ruling on a major dispute over an area considered sacred to both Hindu & Muslims. This announcement is due tomorrow and in anticipation of violence the whole country is under curfew and schools & businesses are closed. She wonders why they can't just share the space? Ditto in Jerusalem...

What a joy to get to know this bright & pleasant lady. The pics are from my Birthday when Emily asked her to bring her supplies for henna so we could both get temporary tattoos. She obliged with great delight. She free-handed the intricate drawings which are traditionally used for any kind of celebrations, especially for weddings. Brides would be elaborately decorated on the night before their wedding. The color lasts for around a week. After the thick stuff dries, we wash it off and the stain underneath stays on. What fun!

I just love seeing the interesting parade of people God puts in our lives. I am a firm believer in divine appointments; what an awesome God we serve!

Ramadan Again

Aug 31, 2010

Ethan & I tumbled out of the time-warp chute yesterday after fast forwarding 8 time zones and rewinding to an anachronistic culture from the Dark Ages that's been technology enhanced. Our separation from Molly in her la petite dorm room was bitter sweet but especially hard on Ethan. After a week there, I left feeling very assured that she is in a place of excellence and will thrive in that environment. God even provided a surrogate mom from a local Baptist church who promised to "be there" for Molly in any way she needed!

As we are well into Ramadan, our flight consisted mainly of Indians and very few Kuwaitis. The only other two Westerners were teachers on their way to Bangladesh. We were able to sleep on the way in between dinner (spicy Indian chicken & rice) and breakfast (spicy Indian chicken & rice.) Robert & Emily gave us a warm welcome but did not yodel or throw confetti as other greeters did. On the drive from the airport we passed a discarded, crumpled up vehicle by the roadside and I knew I was home again!

With the heat, my jet lag, and need to process my emotions & unpack, I didn't expect to leave the house for a few days. That plan de-railed at noon when Robert called to say his boss, the Sheik, had invited us and a few others from the embassy to his families Iftar (meal to break the Ramada fast) at 5:45.

Attired in suits & dresses, we needn't have worried about being overdressed. This very well connected family is a bit more progressive in dress than many. The men wore traditional dishdashas & head gear but the women wore long jewel encrusted gowns of shimmering colors. Their reception room looked like a ballroom at the Hyatt Regency Hotel and there were just as many servers around. The place was decked out in Ramadan decor of hanging crescent moons & stars, fresh flowers, a golden archway and even a decorated "Christmas Tree' as they so fondly referred to it! They all met us with a warm greeting (I had to remember not to reach to shake the sheik's hand:) and they told us their house was our house.

We were invited to sit on sofas around the room until we heard the call to prayer broadcast over the indoor speaker system, then everyone went first to the "date station" to break the fast with a wide variety of gourmet dates. The men then went to kneel in the center of the room while guests and women began to fill our plates.

The selection of foods was beyond any 5 star restaurant I could imagine. Just to mention the meats, there was several kinds of chicken, beef, lamb, shrimp, fish rolls, stuffed lobster, crabs, and duck. Each dish was artfully displayed and adorned. Everything was oh, so delicious. There were about 25 of us there and probably as many different desserts. I had 8 different juices and teas which were constantly being served by waiters in traditional garb.

Emily & Ethan were whisked away to a different table where they were "force fed" many new dishes. The ladies were charmed by our teens who enjoyed them every bit as much. Conversation with the Sheik was a little slow but their daughters were very engaging. They welcomed us to join them any night in Ramadan for Iftar but we felt a little sick at the thought of eating like that, then eating again at midnight, and another snack before dawn when the fasting begins.

We retired to the couches again after dessert and then men went to the mosque to pray again while we had yet more tea & nibbles with the women. As we got up to leave, (not sure of protocol & how long to stay) they passed out gift bags to each of us plus took goodie bags off the tree for the kids. We each got a beautiful gold trimmed traditional robe to go over our clothes, and Emily & I each were given 3 bottles of perfume (Cappuccino, Latte & Machiatto) packaged in styrofoam coffee cups which are all very appealing!

This OTT (over the top) living is pretty hard to reconcile with other realities we know here. Our housekeeper described how light and simple their Indian family eats after fasting during Ramadan. Kuwaitis put their own spin on all things religious & cultural as I'm sure we Americans do...we're just usually blind to our own "spins."

Update (Reader's Digest Version) Sept 3, 2010

Since my Easter post, I've traveled many miles. Either time or inspiration was insufficient for me to blog along the way. I will try to recall some highlights of my Spring & Summer so swiftly slipping away.

In May, we took our last family trip before Molly left home for college. We met up with friends from London and took a pilgrimage of sort to the Holy Lands of Israel and hiked our way thru the rocks of Petra, Jordan. We gained a lifetime of enrichment and precious memories together.

Molly & I spent a week in London, compliments of our health insurance to get some testing done that wasn't available in Kuwait. We enjoyed seeing old friends, a musical, and being back "home."

In mid June, Emily, Ethan and I flew to the States and were joined by Robert. Molly stayed in Kuwait to work at the US Embassy. Ethan & Robert spent a week at Boy Scout Camp in Ohio, then we drove Ethan to jazz camp in Illinois where he learned improvisation skills.

Twenty-eight of my family met in Springfield, Ill at my brother's lakeside home to play and celebrate my dad's 90th birthday.

Robert visited his parents in Texas, (we got the see them in Tucson) he worked a week in Florida, and flew back to be with Molly in Kuwait.

Ethan, Emily & I drove to Tucson where I completed the 160 clinical hours needed for my RN Refresher with a dear doctor friend in his MDVIP practice. It was fun to be back in the game but tricky being a working, "single" mom. We lived in a lovely apartment, I got to attend the fabulous Willowcreek Leadership Summit, and I spent many hours with my awesome ya-yas.
Ethan & Emily enjoyed the freedom to walk to Target or Subway, swim, hang out, and Emily took a driver's ed course before flying to Canada to be with her friend from London on her way home.

Molly flew from Kuwait to join us for the last week in Tucson then helped me drive back through Albuquerque, through OKC for another visit with Don's family, we spent a night in Springfield, Ill with Gary, then on to New Castle for a few more days with my dad. Ethan volunteered in a community food bank while Molly & I shopped to get her ready for college.

After driving over 5000 miles, we parked the van again and flew to Raleigh, NC for the last leg of the journey...the one we spent 18 years preparing for! Elon University did not disappoint in any way. Molly happily connected with her new international student friends and never looked back. After getting her firmly ensconced in college life, Ethan & I took in a all American baseball game in Burlington before jetting the 14 hours home to Kuwait. I think Robert and Emily were happy to see us. I am dazed.

Easter & A New Grocery

Just the fact that I'm excited over a new grocery COOP opening by one of our neighborhood mosques says something, don't you think? It means I don't have to take a taxi to and from the grocery ($10) to buy my 2-3 gallons of milk ($6/gal) when Robert is unavailable (often.) It also means, I have an excuse to get out, maybe meet a few more neighbors, and have easy access to the things I use most often: milk, fresh herbs, flat bread, fresh feta cheese, etc.


Robert & I walked over tonight and it was just at the conclusion of evening prayers. The men were streaming out of the mosque, slipping into their shoes, and slipping off into the night on their cellphones, sons by their side, robes flowing in the sandy air. I changed out of my shorts & covered up my t-shirt that says "US Army" before leaving the house; "standing out" is what we do best, even when modestly dressed. I am usually oblivious, but Molly gets a lot of unwanted attention when she is out and about. Note to self this week: if she must walk to the embassy, I go with her. (She got 2 offers for rides last time)


We strolled each isle to see what was stocked in this larger-than-CircleK shop. Special K cereal, Jolly Green Giant vegetables...they must know there are expats in the mix of this community! Meat & even a small selection of fresh vegetables was a welcome site. The toiletries were well priced and will make shopping for my Filipino maids easy.


We started a new class at the embassy last week; on Monday night we picked up the first 12 rugs which were completed. It was interesting to see where these women were at mentally, socially, compared to our group who we spent 2 months with. There was so much more synergy after having taught them the 7 habits & built a sense of team in the last group. They had seemed to get beyond the hoarding mentality (with the resources) and were open and participating. This new group reminds us of how far we came with the others. The number scooted up from the limit of 30, to 40 for the first night but we let it slip since many of them will leave before finishing. There was not enough table space, but we resolved that by purchasing 3 new 8 foot tables last night. We will try to pay for them out of donations rather than profits from the crafts. Sales in my immediate circles have been highly profitable; now I must find new venues.


Kids are on spring break this week, nice to sleep in a bit and have them around. We've braved the beach south of here at the Hilton and no one got sick from swimming in the Gulf! Some moms think I'm nuts, but I believe in diffusion! The sewage spills were much further north and it must be VERY diluted by the time it reached the Hilton! I have a friend who won't even eat anything grown in Kuwait for fear of what's in the soil, er sand? I've not really seen any soil here...I can't live like that!


We were fortunate to have the kids off during Easter week; Sunday was a school day for many. Robert got the day off but it was not a holiday. We tried to make it special in our home as the rest of the country was clueless what we were celebrating. Thursday evening just our family had a Christian Seder meal together and was warmed by this tradition with all it's meaning. Saturday, Emily's friend came over who has a Buddhist mom and a no-faith dad. She wanted to experience Easter with us and seeing it through her eyes made it even more special. We watched The Passion of Christ Sat. evening & Tonya & I cried through that. Sunday am the kids all did the scripture treasure hunt I'd prepared & eventually found their Easter baskets. Then we examined the 4 resurrection accounts and extracted so much meaning from the different perspectives as we charted what was the same and different. In the afternoon, we painted eggs and chatted with more friends who were arriving. By dinner there were 13 of us to enjoy ham & lamb with all the trimmings. It was nice to have Molly's help in the kitchen & with baking...I'm gonna miss that! Emily folded our dinner napkins into cute little rabbits except for Harvey's: he got a dead chicken which she learned to make from a waiter in Cairo:) Our guests included Tonya, a AF officer away from home, our Canadian friends, and 3 teachers; one was on his way back to Kabul where he teaches English. After dinner, we celebrated with a rousing "See What A Morning" while Ethan accompanied us on his sax, followed by "In Christ Alone." Singing at the table was a shock to Tonya but she survived Easter with the Spesserts and has been home reading through the New Testament from her Easter basket! It was such a joy to share this day with such delightful people.