Trashion Show

October 29, 2010

Tea lights flickered on the desk, dancing to the sound of ocean waves & flute music. I smoothed the skin across her brow in an effort to press the stress away. Working gently over her scalp, down her neck & kneading my way towards her shoulders I traversed muscles like steel cables tightly strung.

It was "Spa Night" at the shelter and time to pamper our hard working designers who have been working day and night on their rugs, dolls, and dresses that will be entered into the upcoming "Trashion Show" competition. A local modeling school which is run by Michelle, a British lady, offered to teach the women dressmaking techniques using recycled materials, then put on a professional fashion show (which sadly they cannot attend since they are undocumented and at risk of arrest if they leave the shelter.) This show will be a benefit to the two shelters I am working with; tickets sell for around $40. The Holiday Inn here has agreed to give us the ballroom for free, other companies are kicking in donations for printing, special lighting, refreshments, etc. and they will all get exposure as well. Both local papers will report; the Kuwait Times is working on a story on Trash to Treasure now. They have a wonderful Filipino reporter who spent over an hour at my house, then came to "spa night" to get more of the story and photos (miraculously they have agreed without any qualms to let them publish pics.)

I was wondering how I could reward these 30 ladies who are pouring such creativity and time into this project when I got a call from a lady who owns a beauty salon. Rebbecca saw the Trash To Treasure rugs at the British Business Forum where one of our new partners Crown Relocation, was selling rugs for us. She bought a rug & tracked me down to see how she could help. After purchasing 10 rugs, she wanted to do more! She was thrilled to bring her staff to the shelter to serve these ladies who could never afford her services but could benefit so much. Once again, before I even knew what to ask for, God had the answer "in the wings" and Rebbecca came, as promised 2 days later to the women's pure delight.

We set up the room with a table for nails, hair, space to continue working on their projects, and Yolly (Welfare manager) let us use her office as a quite space where I could give a few massages. At their request, I now have Michael Jackson hit songs on my ipod and they grooved to the music while they were pampered & watched each other get prettied up. We got platters of cookies for them to enjoy with plenty of of leftovers. I get teary just remembering the looks on their faces when they broke into applause after I told them the plan for the evening. It was like Christmas morning.

I asked my first "client" if she had any pain or spots that really needed attention. She told me her left arm is partly numb, partly painful...how long? One year. Ever seen a doctor? "When I get back to Philippines I will."

I had to use a very light touch through her arms & shoulders as everything seemed to hurt. I noticed her teeth were crying for a dentist and suffering from lack of care. Within minutes, she began to relax into the mat like butter in the sun. She didn't want to talk, it looked like she actually fell asleep...this was only a 15 minute massage...could she be that tired?

This precious lady ran away from her employer and found herself ensnared for 2 months in a brothel before getting to POLO where she was at least safe. If I were in her shoes, living with 200+ women and 3 bathrooms, I fear I would be upstairs staring at the wall. I know most of them ARE. We get to work with the brightest, most motivated women although the profits benefit everyone in the house. I do wonder what more we could do for the others...

My next two ladies seemed to want to talk while I worked their scalp, face, neck, shoulders & arm muscles. I loved getting to listen one-on-one about the 3 yr old daughter, the 7 yr old son...

Josie told me how she came on a contract to work in business as she has a college degree, but instead was placed as a house maid and has not been paid in the past 4 months. Her arms were small; she thinks they got smaller and weaker as she had to constantly lift heavy objects.

Rosita talked fast as I worked, pent up stories & concerns bubbled to the surface. After a few minutes, tears erupted as well. She wants to see her children when she gets back to the Philippines but then needs to try to work abroad again in a new place so she can provide for them. It sounded like her husband had been unfaithful but it was hard to understand. She told me she does not get enough to eat there, no fruit or vegetables except for beans. She was worried that when she does get to Manila, she will have no means of transportation to the island where she lives since she has not been paid and has no money. (I since determined there is assistance for the overseas workers once they arrive in Manila.) She asked me if I was a "born again Christian" and was happy to discover I shared her faith. When I finished her massage I asked if I could pray with her and she said "that is what I am waiting for."

Before we left I was able to make "bonus payments" to the ladies whose work I had sold this week, give feedback to our top rugmaker on her color schemes, make a fool of myself dancing with the girls to Jackson tunes, and introduce the reporter to the work being done. My faithful taxi driver, Kalai, was waiting patiently outside the locked gate to wisk me away from this world to my "other world" and I wonder, which is the real world?

(I also did a facebook photo album from this evening.)

Hindu Doll Festival Oct 8, 2010

Last Friday, Emily & I were invited to her Indian girlfriend's home to celebrate Navratri Golu, a Hindu doll festival originating in Southern India. Navratri, meaning 9 nights is celebrated for 10 days. This is a display of dolls predominantly with that of the Gods and Goddesses depicting their mythology on an odd number of steps. This is mainly a festival for the women. Every evening, married women and girls dress up in their colorful silk sarees go to see this golu in homes.

We felt very honored to be the only non Indians present along with Tonya (Thai/Canadian) who is like another daughter to me. She looks like she could fit in but actually has more of a Buddisht background. These friends are actually Canadian but honor and keep their culture alive. We did not realize the extent her friend's family practiced their religion. In a closet type space there was an altar where they burn incense and pray daily. In the same small room, there were stairs set up to display the characters. The "dolls" represent the many different faces or attributes of God; knowledge, justice, love, etc. There are 3 main female dieties considered the "trinity" who are especially worshiped during this festival. On the lower shelves are dolls from vairous countries they have visited; ones with personal memories attached much like our collection of Christmas ornaments from places we have visited. Surrounding the display were Christmas lights and burning incense. I had to bathe & wash my hair to get the sweet, strong scent out before I could sleep.

There was great attention to detail in the preparation for this open house. To "keep ants from coming indoors," corn flour is sprinkled (free hand) outside the door in decorative patterns and candles are lit in the designs. Beautiful! The food was artfully prepared and much of it was symbolic & special for this occasion. Each night one vegetarian dish is made as an offering to the goddesses, then served with the meal. The food is served with a delicious variety of breads which double as utensils. Eating with our fingers seemed to work out okay until a new guest arrived; shaking hands while eating without a fork left me feeling a bit...messy!

Our hostess greeted her Indian guests with a touch of 3 different spices applied to their foreheads & throats. One of them stood for purity, I forgot what the others meant. She also had individual gift bags for each of the many guests who called. There was a very respectful rhythm to the evening and it felt rather formal. It seemed more cultural to me but I recogized it was deeply religious for some. Our desire for the sacred is so universal, its expression so varied.

Emily, Tanya & I felt so under dressed! We didn't realize how dolled up the ladies would be. It was actually the first time for her friend to wear a "half saree" so it was a very special occasion. We were told that young girls get to wear these less cumbersome dresses first; when they are older, they get to wear the full sari which has something like 6 meters of fabric to learn to navigate in! The women & girls were stunningly beautiful and Emily was remorseful that there is no "American traditional dress!" In addition to the clothes, many ladies had placed carefully laced jasmine flowers into their hair, so when giving a hug, there is this heavenly scent of jasmine! This was really lovely.

Having spent and evening with this family with whom we have a growing friendship, puts Hindu practices into such a different light. As my brother, Don, explained to Molly in regards to going off to university; there is still a sense of cognitive dissonance in situations like these. The "old tapes" still play, though muted...idol worship, false gods, etc. To use a British expression, they sort of "take the Mickey out" of themselves by they way they describe the stories of their goddesses as "mythology." To me, myths are all human concoctions to explain the unexplainable as opposed to the Truth we have come to know about God through Jesus Christ. More and more, I find myself wanting to say to people dear to me who are such God-seeking, devout, loving people: I would love for you to meet Jesus, he has so much to say that is relevant in every culture! I desire to discover a way to do this that does not judge or condemn for that is an arrogance I cannot afford.

Jail

My contact at the P embassy gave me the thumbs up that I could join her for a visit to our stranded Filipino maid at the deportation center (fancy word for jail complete with high barbed wire fences.) I was sooo happy to get to go to jail! A 45 minute drive through jam packed roads brought us to the big gray complex. My friend took half an hour or more to get past 3 guards & finally get permission to bring me in with her to see "the general." I scooped up the bag of goodies I'd brought her and joined the conference in the lovely office with A/C & wall mounted TV. Our dis-sheveled friend was brought in wearing a tee shirt with holes and ratty jogging pants; she had obviously lost weight and was sick with a cough. The man asked her "why are you still here?" "I don't know." "Did you steal money?" "No sir." The rest of us were seated comfortably, she was left to stand the entire meeting.

After much running after files & conferencing, they said she must have a case against her & promised to look into it. The word on the street is that her sponsor is related to the immigration official and is trying to extract more money before letting her go. In other words, "wasta" is needed for this case.

We were hoping to visit the ward where other Filipino women were kept but were told to come back at three o'clock for that. It was obvious this was a delay tactic meant to make us lose interest. When my friend told them she needed to see her Filipino women, he relented, but said "only you may go"...unsaid: not the westerner.

I was thrilled to be able to give Gina a hug, say a quick prayer with her, and leave the bag after it had been searched. She said she prayed for someone to help her then looked in her phone and found my number. I pray just by being there, somehow, that will help her hold on, help the ones in power to act with integrity, send a message that we expect justice to take place. A report will be filed at her embassy and once again, we will wait...

Better than a Hallelujah

Amy Grant's "honest cries of a breaking heart are better than a hallelujah sometimes..." was a balm to my sad soul today after talking with one of our maids who called me from jail. Gina was in my 7 Habits class last spring but she left the Philippine Embassy shelter April 6; one of the unlucky ones who had to go to the "detention center" where they are supposed to get processed as undocumented citizens and fly home after a transition of a couple of weeks to a couple of months...she has been there 6 months and "nobody is helping." A text in broken English, then a weepy phone call sent out like a SOS from a sinking boat.

Gina is not just a case number to you God. I spoke to her on your behalf, told her she felt abandoned but you knew where she was and had not forgotten her...6 months in jail (long after the others have been sent home) for being the victim of abuse? I know you love justice so this has got to hurt you even worse than it pierces me. Show me how I can help.

The voice of reason (ie: my husband) says "don't you go near that jail, I don't want to come home and find YOU deported!" Emily tells me to remember, my place is helping them while they are at the shelter...

Gary Haugen (IJM) says "how far do I go? To be brutally honest, as far as I am safe. As far as I am in control. As far as the risks feel manageable. As far as my sphere of certain competence will take me. And consequently, in my secret and most honest moments I sense it doesn't take me very far at all." He goes on in his book Just Courage to ask if God is calling us to be safe or to be brave...

So these are the voices I hear as I go to prayer to ask God to intervene. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with the welfare officer at the Philippine Embassy and she assures me she is checking into it. For now I will resist the urge to grab a bag of supplies and taxi to the deportation center...

Ayisha

September 26, 2010

Year 2 and finally, we have hired a delightful Indian lady to help keep this dust trap clean...meet Ayisha! I met her when she worked for a friend of mine last year. When my friend had to move, she was most anxious to find a good place for her maid to work. Ayisha was already paying for sponsorship through her husband's sponsor/boss and only needed guaranteed work. I knew I could trust her, knew how much she wanted to provide for her two children's education back in India, and felt this would give me even more time to devote to "my girls" at the embassy shelter. We agreed to pay her a monthly salary for two days per week which is 50% more than what my neighbor's maids earn for 7 days per week. I was also able to find another great American family who wanted help 3 days per week to fill out her work schedule.

Ayisha arrives around 8:30 now on Mon & Wed and lets herself in. "Hello Madame" announces her presence but I know she is here when I hear the tiny bells on the bottom of her pants tinkling! She wears the grandest colors & the fanciest clothes I've ever seen anyone clean in. Her matching pants and dresses are trimmed elegantly in beautiful traditional Indian style. Her shyness is slowing dissolving and I'm finding a friend beneath the subservient demeanor she has learned to adopt. Yesterday I paid her extra to come and assist at a baby shower I was hosting (I knew she'd had extra expenses this week) but around the other women from the embassy, she was incredibly shy. She was uncomfortable even coming out of the kitchen to pass out juice or refill tea.

We are getting into a routine where she knows what I always want done, and what can always wait another day... To have my kitchen cleaned & mopped twice a week is so divine. To start the week with all the kids uniforms pressed and hanging up is too good to be true. Not having deep dust on all the furniture around here is such a relief. And coming home on a busy day full of meetings to smell Ayisha's chicken & fried rice on the stove is a little slice of heaven! We now keep her fresh made hummus in the fridge; it's the best in the state. She also loves to make things pretty: she takes pains to artfully garnish her dishes when I have her cook, and the way she arranged the china in the display cupboard was just picture perfect.

Our first few weeks of having her were at the end of Ramadan and she is Muslim. Since she was fasting, we shortened her workday to about 5 hours. We tried not to eat in front of her but she assured us that it was not offensive in the least. As Ramadan was ending, the intensity of their prayers is heightened and she would go to mosque with her husband but pray with the women in a separate place. I suspect the way Asians in this country practice Islam is very different from how Kuwaitis do; especially the women. She is devoted but very non judgemental and open to other faiths. I think she may even go to church with me at some point. We can openly discuss differences in our faith and this week she wanted to know the difference in Catholics & our church. As I was praying for her one day I asked God how I could help her. The answer came so clearly: pray for her children, so I asked her their names & if I could help her pray for them. She looked at me with disbelief, then great joy. She said usually Muslims pray only for themselves but believed it was good to pray for others. She wrote down the names of her children then sheepishly added her sister's little girl to the list because she is very dear to her. Her sister is the caretaker for her 2 children while she and her husband labor here to send them to private school. They have not seen the children for one and a half years. This is the price anyone without adequate means of education & employment must pay in order to secure a better future for their own children in a country where there is not enough to go around. To spend money on a ticket home, or save that precious cash to buy internet access for her teenage daughter who was given a laptop by Ayisha's last employer?? These are the choices she must make.

Ayisha & her husband live in a cramped 3 room apartment at the building his employer owns where he is a caretaker. This tiny space was cooled by a small air conditioning unit which quit working last week. This boss, which she says is really "good" refused to fix or replace the A/C and his wife was annoyed that they should ask. It is still around 120 degrees here in the day and impossible to survive in such conditions without air. They had to come up with the money to buy their own unit. Likewise, this "good" boss requires them to pay for electricity they use in a country where energy is free to Kuwaitis. We think nothing of lighting this enormous house and cooling every room to 70 degrees but when asked why she did not use the crock pot my friend gave her, she said it would cost too much to keep it on for the time it would take to cook.

Today Ayisha is very worried about the potential for violence when the supreme court in India announces the verdict of a ruling on a major dispute over an area considered sacred to both Hindu & Muslims. This announcement is due tomorrow and in anticipation of violence the whole country is under curfew and schools & businesses are closed. She wonders why they can't just share the space? Ditto in Jerusalem...

What a joy to get to know this bright & pleasant lady. The pics are from my Birthday when Emily asked her to bring her supplies for henna so we could both get temporary tattoos. She obliged with great delight. She free-handed the intricate drawings which are traditionally used for any kind of celebrations, especially for weddings. Brides would be elaborately decorated on the night before their wedding. The color lasts for around a week. After the thick stuff dries, we wash it off and the stain underneath stays on. What fun!

I just love seeing the interesting parade of people God puts in our lives. I am a firm believer in divine appointments; what an awesome God we serve!

Ramadan Again

Aug 31, 2010

Ethan & I tumbled out of the time-warp chute yesterday after fast forwarding 8 time zones and rewinding to an anachronistic culture from the Dark Ages that's been technology enhanced. Our separation from Molly in her la petite dorm room was bitter sweet but especially hard on Ethan. After a week there, I left feeling very assured that she is in a place of excellence and will thrive in that environment. God even provided a surrogate mom from a local Baptist church who promised to "be there" for Molly in any way she needed!

As we are well into Ramadan, our flight consisted mainly of Indians and very few Kuwaitis. The only other two Westerners were teachers on their way to Bangladesh. We were able to sleep on the way in between dinner (spicy Indian chicken & rice) and breakfast (spicy Indian chicken & rice.) Robert & Emily gave us a warm welcome but did not yodel or throw confetti as other greeters did. On the drive from the airport we passed a discarded, crumpled up vehicle by the roadside and I knew I was home again!

With the heat, my jet lag, and need to process my emotions & unpack, I didn't expect to leave the house for a few days. That plan de-railed at noon when Robert called to say his boss, the Sheik, had invited us and a few others from the embassy to his families Iftar (meal to break the Ramada fast) at 5:45.

Attired in suits & dresses, we needn't have worried about being overdressed. This very well connected family is a bit more progressive in dress than many. The men wore traditional dishdashas & head gear but the women wore long jewel encrusted gowns of shimmering colors. Their reception room looked like a ballroom at the Hyatt Regency Hotel and there were just as many servers around. The place was decked out in Ramadan decor of hanging crescent moons & stars, fresh flowers, a golden archway and even a decorated "Christmas Tree' as they so fondly referred to it! They all met us with a warm greeting (I had to remember not to reach to shake the sheik's hand:) and they told us their house was our house.

We were invited to sit on sofas around the room until we heard the call to prayer broadcast over the indoor speaker system, then everyone went first to the "date station" to break the fast with a wide variety of gourmet dates. The men then went to kneel in the center of the room while guests and women began to fill our plates.

The selection of foods was beyond any 5 star restaurant I could imagine. Just to mention the meats, there was several kinds of chicken, beef, lamb, shrimp, fish rolls, stuffed lobster, crabs, and duck. Each dish was artfully displayed and adorned. Everything was oh, so delicious. There were about 25 of us there and probably as many different desserts. I had 8 different juices and teas which were constantly being served by waiters in traditional garb.

Emily & Ethan were whisked away to a different table where they were "force fed" many new dishes. The ladies were charmed by our teens who enjoyed them every bit as much. Conversation with the Sheik was a little slow but their daughters were very engaging. They welcomed us to join them any night in Ramadan for Iftar but we felt a little sick at the thought of eating like that, then eating again at midnight, and another snack before dawn when the fasting begins.

We retired to the couches again after dessert and then men went to the mosque to pray again while we had yet more tea & nibbles with the women. As we got up to leave, (not sure of protocol & how long to stay) they passed out gift bags to each of us plus took goodie bags off the tree for the kids. We each got a beautiful gold trimmed traditional robe to go over our clothes, and Emily & I each were given 3 bottles of perfume (Cappuccino, Latte & Machiatto) packaged in styrofoam coffee cups which are all very appealing!

This OTT (over the top) living is pretty hard to reconcile with other realities we know here. Our housekeeper described how light and simple their Indian family eats after fasting during Ramadan. Kuwaitis put their own spin on all things religious & cultural as I'm sure we Americans do...we're just usually blind to our own "spins."

Update (Reader's Digest Version) Sept 3, 2010

Since my Easter post, I've traveled many miles. Either time or inspiration was insufficient for me to blog along the way. I will try to recall some highlights of my Spring & Summer so swiftly slipping away.

In May, we took our last family trip before Molly left home for college. We met up with friends from London and took a pilgrimage of sort to the Holy Lands of Israel and hiked our way thru the rocks of Petra, Jordan. We gained a lifetime of enrichment and precious memories together.

Molly & I spent a week in London, compliments of our health insurance to get some testing done that wasn't available in Kuwait. We enjoyed seeing old friends, a musical, and being back "home."

In mid June, Emily, Ethan and I flew to the States and were joined by Robert. Molly stayed in Kuwait to work at the US Embassy. Ethan & Robert spent a week at Boy Scout Camp in Ohio, then we drove Ethan to jazz camp in Illinois where he learned improvisation skills.

Twenty-eight of my family met in Springfield, Ill at my brother's lakeside home to play and celebrate my dad's 90th birthday.

Robert visited his parents in Texas, (we got the see them in Tucson) he worked a week in Florida, and flew back to be with Molly in Kuwait.

Ethan, Emily & I drove to Tucson where I completed the 160 clinical hours needed for my RN Refresher with a dear doctor friend in his MDVIP practice. It was fun to be back in the game but tricky being a working, "single" mom. We lived in a lovely apartment, I got to attend the fabulous Willowcreek Leadership Summit, and I spent many hours with my awesome ya-yas.
Ethan & Emily enjoyed the freedom to walk to Target or Subway, swim, hang out, and Emily took a driver's ed course before flying to Canada to be with her friend from London on her way home.

Molly flew from Kuwait to join us for the last week in Tucson then helped me drive back through Albuquerque, through OKC for another visit with Don's family, we spent a night in Springfield, Ill with Gary, then on to New Castle for a few more days with my dad. Ethan volunteered in a community food bank while Molly & I shopped to get her ready for college.

After driving over 5000 miles, we parked the van again and flew to Raleigh, NC for the last leg of the journey...the one we spent 18 years preparing for! Elon University did not disappoint in any way. Molly happily connected with her new international student friends and never looked back. After getting her firmly ensconced in college life, Ethan & I took in a all American baseball game in Burlington before jetting the 14 hours home to Kuwait. I think Robert and Emily were happy to see us. I am dazed.