Better than a Hallelujah

Amy Grant's "honest cries of a breaking heart are better than a hallelujah sometimes..." was a balm to my sad soul today after talking with one of our maids who called me from jail. Gina was in my 7 Habits class last spring but she left the Philippine Embassy shelter April 6; one of the unlucky ones who had to go to the "detention center" where they are supposed to get processed as undocumented citizens and fly home after a transition of a couple of weeks to a couple of months...she has been there 6 months and "nobody is helping." A text in broken English, then a weepy phone call sent out like a SOS from a sinking boat.

Gina is not just a case number to you God. I spoke to her on your behalf, told her she felt abandoned but you knew where she was and had not forgotten her...6 months in jail (long after the others have been sent home) for being the victim of abuse? I know you love justice so this has got to hurt you even worse than it pierces me. Show me how I can help.

The voice of reason (ie: my husband) says "don't you go near that jail, I don't want to come home and find YOU deported!" Emily tells me to remember, my place is helping them while they are at the shelter...

Gary Haugen (IJM) says "how far do I go? To be brutally honest, as far as I am safe. As far as I am in control. As far as the risks feel manageable. As far as my sphere of certain competence will take me. And consequently, in my secret and most honest moments I sense it doesn't take me very far at all." He goes on in his book Just Courage to ask if God is calling us to be safe or to be brave...

So these are the voices I hear as I go to prayer to ask God to intervene. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with the welfare officer at the Philippine Embassy and she assures me she is checking into it. For now I will resist the urge to grab a bag of supplies and taxi to the deportation center...

Ayisha

September 26, 2010

Year 2 and finally, we have hired a delightful Indian lady to help keep this dust trap clean...meet Ayisha! I met her when she worked for a friend of mine last year. When my friend had to move, she was most anxious to find a good place for her maid to work. Ayisha was already paying for sponsorship through her husband's sponsor/boss and only needed guaranteed work. I knew I could trust her, knew how much she wanted to provide for her two children's education back in India, and felt this would give me even more time to devote to "my girls" at the embassy shelter. We agreed to pay her a monthly salary for two days per week which is 50% more than what my neighbor's maids earn for 7 days per week. I was also able to find another great American family who wanted help 3 days per week to fill out her work schedule.

Ayisha arrives around 8:30 now on Mon & Wed and lets herself in. "Hello Madame" announces her presence but I know she is here when I hear the tiny bells on the bottom of her pants tinkling! She wears the grandest colors & the fanciest clothes I've ever seen anyone clean in. Her matching pants and dresses are trimmed elegantly in beautiful traditional Indian style. Her shyness is slowing dissolving and I'm finding a friend beneath the subservient demeanor she has learned to adopt. Yesterday I paid her extra to come and assist at a baby shower I was hosting (I knew she'd had extra expenses this week) but around the other women from the embassy, she was incredibly shy. She was uncomfortable even coming out of the kitchen to pass out juice or refill tea.

We are getting into a routine where she knows what I always want done, and what can always wait another day... To have my kitchen cleaned & mopped twice a week is so divine. To start the week with all the kids uniforms pressed and hanging up is too good to be true. Not having deep dust on all the furniture around here is such a relief. And coming home on a busy day full of meetings to smell Ayisha's chicken & fried rice on the stove is a little slice of heaven! We now keep her fresh made hummus in the fridge; it's the best in the state. She also loves to make things pretty: she takes pains to artfully garnish her dishes when I have her cook, and the way she arranged the china in the display cupboard was just picture perfect.

Our first few weeks of having her were at the end of Ramadan and she is Muslim. Since she was fasting, we shortened her workday to about 5 hours. We tried not to eat in front of her but she assured us that it was not offensive in the least. As Ramadan was ending, the intensity of their prayers is heightened and she would go to mosque with her husband but pray with the women in a separate place. I suspect the way Asians in this country practice Islam is very different from how Kuwaitis do; especially the women. She is devoted but very non judgemental and open to other faiths. I think she may even go to church with me at some point. We can openly discuss differences in our faith and this week she wanted to know the difference in Catholics & our church. As I was praying for her one day I asked God how I could help her. The answer came so clearly: pray for her children, so I asked her their names & if I could help her pray for them. She looked at me with disbelief, then great joy. She said usually Muslims pray only for themselves but believed it was good to pray for others. She wrote down the names of her children then sheepishly added her sister's little girl to the list because she is very dear to her. Her sister is the caretaker for her 2 children while she and her husband labor here to send them to private school. They have not seen the children for one and a half years. This is the price anyone without adequate means of education & employment must pay in order to secure a better future for their own children in a country where there is not enough to go around. To spend money on a ticket home, or save that precious cash to buy internet access for her teenage daughter who was given a laptop by Ayisha's last employer?? These are the choices she must make.

Ayisha & her husband live in a cramped 3 room apartment at the building his employer owns where he is a caretaker. This tiny space was cooled by a small air conditioning unit which quit working last week. This boss, which she says is really "good" refused to fix or replace the A/C and his wife was annoyed that they should ask. It is still around 120 degrees here in the day and impossible to survive in such conditions without air. They had to come up with the money to buy their own unit. Likewise, this "good" boss requires them to pay for electricity they use in a country where energy is free to Kuwaitis. We think nothing of lighting this enormous house and cooling every room to 70 degrees but when asked why she did not use the crock pot my friend gave her, she said it would cost too much to keep it on for the time it would take to cook.

Today Ayisha is very worried about the potential for violence when the supreme court in India announces the verdict of a ruling on a major dispute over an area considered sacred to both Hindu & Muslims. This announcement is due tomorrow and in anticipation of violence the whole country is under curfew and schools & businesses are closed. She wonders why they can't just share the space? Ditto in Jerusalem...

What a joy to get to know this bright & pleasant lady. The pics are from my Birthday when Emily asked her to bring her supplies for henna so we could both get temporary tattoos. She obliged with great delight. She free-handed the intricate drawings which are traditionally used for any kind of celebrations, especially for weddings. Brides would be elaborately decorated on the night before their wedding. The color lasts for around a week. After the thick stuff dries, we wash it off and the stain underneath stays on. What fun!

I just love seeing the interesting parade of people God puts in our lives. I am a firm believer in divine appointments; what an awesome God we serve!

Ramadan Again

Aug 31, 2010

Ethan & I tumbled out of the time-warp chute yesterday after fast forwarding 8 time zones and rewinding to an anachronistic culture from the Dark Ages that's been technology enhanced. Our separation from Molly in her la petite dorm room was bitter sweet but especially hard on Ethan. After a week there, I left feeling very assured that she is in a place of excellence and will thrive in that environment. God even provided a surrogate mom from a local Baptist church who promised to "be there" for Molly in any way she needed!

As we are well into Ramadan, our flight consisted mainly of Indians and very few Kuwaitis. The only other two Westerners were teachers on their way to Bangladesh. We were able to sleep on the way in between dinner (spicy Indian chicken & rice) and breakfast (spicy Indian chicken & rice.) Robert & Emily gave us a warm welcome but did not yodel or throw confetti as other greeters did. On the drive from the airport we passed a discarded, crumpled up vehicle by the roadside and I knew I was home again!

With the heat, my jet lag, and need to process my emotions & unpack, I didn't expect to leave the house for a few days. That plan de-railed at noon when Robert called to say his boss, the Sheik, had invited us and a few others from the embassy to his families Iftar (meal to break the Ramada fast) at 5:45.

Attired in suits & dresses, we needn't have worried about being overdressed. This very well connected family is a bit more progressive in dress than many. The men wore traditional dishdashas & head gear but the women wore long jewel encrusted gowns of shimmering colors. Their reception room looked like a ballroom at the Hyatt Regency Hotel and there were just as many servers around. The place was decked out in Ramadan decor of hanging crescent moons & stars, fresh flowers, a golden archway and even a decorated "Christmas Tree' as they so fondly referred to it! They all met us with a warm greeting (I had to remember not to reach to shake the sheik's hand:) and they told us their house was our house.

We were invited to sit on sofas around the room until we heard the call to prayer broadcast over the indoor speaker system, then everyone went first to the "date station" to break the fast with a wide variety of gourmet dates. The men then went to kneel in the center of the room while guests and women began to fill our plates.

The selection of foods was beyond any 5 star restaurant I could imagine. Just to mention the meats, there was several kinds of chicken, beef, lamb, shrimp, fish rolls, stuffed lobster, crabs, and duck. Each dish was artfully displayed and adorned. Everything was oh, so delicious. There were about 25 of us there and probably as many different desserts. I had 8 different juices and teas which were constantly being served by waiters in traditional garb.

Emily & Ethan were whisked away to a different table where they were "force fed" many new dishes. The ladies were charmed by our teens who enjoyed them every bit as much. Conversation with the Sheik was a little slow but their daughters were very engaging. They welcomed us to join them any night in Ramadan for Iftar but we felt a little sick at the thought of eating like that, then eating again at midnight, and another snack before dawn when the fasting begins.

We retired to the couches again after dessert and then men went to the mosque to pray again while we had yet more tea & nibbles with the women. As we got up to leave, (not sure of protocol & how long to stay) they passed out gift bags to each of us plus took goodie bags off the tree for the kids. We each got a beautiful gold trimmed traditional robe to go over our clothes, and Emily & I each were given 3 bottles of perfume (Cappuccino, Latte & Machiatto) packaged in styrofoam coffee cups which are all very appealing!

This OTT (over the top) living is pretty hard to reconcile with other realities we know here. Our housekeeper described how light and simple their Indian family eats after fasting during Ramadan. Kuwaitis put their own spin on all things religious & cultural as I'm sure we Americans do...we're just usually blind to our own "spins."

Update (Reader's Digest Version) Sept 3, 2010

Since my Easter post, I've traveled many miles. Either time or inspiration was insufficient for me to blog along the way. I will try to recall some highlights of my Spring & Summer so swiftly slipping away.

In May, we took our last family trip before Molly left home for college. We met up with friends from London and took a pilgrimage of sort to the Holy Lands of Israel and hiked our way thru the rocks of Petra, Jordan. We gained a lifetime of enrichment and precious memories together.

Molly & I spent a week in London, compliments of our health insurance to get some testing done that wasn't available in Kuwait. We enjoyed seeing old friends, a musical, and being back "home."

In mid June, Emily, Ethan and I flew to the States and were joined by Robert. Molly stayed in Kuwait to work at the US Embassy. Ethan & Robert spent a week at Boy Scout Camp in Ohio, then we drove Ethan to jazz camp in Illinois where he learned improvisation skills.

Twenty-eight of my family met in Springfield, Ill at my brother's lakeside home to play and celebrate my dad's 90th birthday.

Robert visited his parents in Texas, (we got the see them in Tucson) he worked a week in Florida, and flew back to be with Molly in Kuwait.

Ethan, Emily & I drove to Tucson where I completed the 160 clinical hours needed for my RN Refresher with a dear doctor friend in his MDVIP practice. It was fun to be back in the game but tricky being a working, "single" mom. We lived in a lovely apartment, I got to attend the fabulous Willowcreek Leadership Summit, and I spent many hours with my awesome ya-yas.
Ethan & Emily enjoyed the freedom to walk to Target or Subway, swim, hang out, and Emily took a driver's ed course before flying to Canada to be with her friend from London on her way home.

Molly flew from Kuwait to join us for the last week in Tucson then helped me drive back through Albuquerque, through OKC for another visit with Don's family, we spent a night in Springfield, Ill with Gary, then on to New Castle for a few more days with my dad. Ethan volunteered in a community food bank while Molly & I shopped to get her ready for college.

After driving over 5000 miles, we parked the van again and flew to Raleigh, NC for the last leg of the journey...the one we spent 18 years preparing for! Elon University did not disappoint in any way. Molly happily connected with her new international student friends and never looked back. After getting her firmly ensconced in college life, Ethan & I took in a all American baseball game in Burlington before jetting the 14 hours home to Kuwait. I think Robert and Emily were happy to see us. I am dazed.

Easter & A New Grocery

Just the fact that I'm excited over a new grocery COOP opening by one of our neighborhood mosques says something, don't you think? It means I don't have to take a taxi to and from the grocery ($10) to buy my 2-3 gallons of milk ($6/gal) when Robert is unavailable (often.) It also means, I have an excuse to get out, maybe meet a few more neighbors, and have easy access to the things I use most often: milk, fresh herbs, flat bread, fresh feta cheese, etc.


Robert & I walked over tonight and it was just at the conclusion of evening prayers. The men were streaming out of the mosque, slipping into their shoes, and slipping off into the night on their cellphones, sons by their side, robes flowing in the sandy air. I changed out of my shorts & covered up my t-shirt that says "US Army" before leaving the house; "standing out" is what we do best, even when modestly dressed. I am usually oblivious, but Molly gets a lot of unwanted attention when she is out and about. Note to self this week: if she must walk to the embassy, I go with her. (She got 2 offers for rides last time)


We strolled each isle to see what was stocked in this larger-than-CircleK shop. Special K cereal, Jolly Green Giant vegetables...they must know there are expats in the mix of this community! Meat & even a small selection of fresh vegetables was a welcome site. The toiletries were well priced and will make shopping for my Filipino maids easy.


We started a new class at the embassy last week; on Monday night we picked up the first 12 rugs which were completed. It was interesting to see where these women were at mentally, socially, compared to our group who we spent 2 months with. There was so much more synergy after having taught them the 7 habits & built a sense of team in the last group. They had seemed to get beyond the hoarding mentality (with the resources) and were open and participating. This new group reminds us of how far we came with the others. The number scooted up from the limit of 30, to 40 for the first night but we let it slip since many of them will leave before finishing. There was not enough table space, but we resolved that by purchasing 3 new 8 foot tables last night. We will try to pay for them out of donations rather than profits from the crafts. Sales in my immediate circles have been highly profitable; now I must find new venues.


Kids are on spring break this week, nice to sleep in a bit and have them around. We've braved the beach south of here at the Hilton and no one got sick from swimming in the Gulf! Some moms think I'm nuts, but I believe in diffusion! The sewage spills were much further north and it must be VERY diluted by the time it reached the Hilton! I have a friend who won't even eat anything grown in Kuwait for fear of what's in the soil, er sand? I've not really seen any soil here...I can't live like that!


We were fortunate to have the kids off during Easter week; Sunday was a school day for many. Robert got the day off but it was not a holiday. We tried to make it special in our home as the rest of the country was clueless what we were celebrating. Thursday evening just our family had a Christian Seder meal together and was warmed by this tradition with all it's meaning. Saturday, Emily's friend came over who has a Buddhist mom and a no-faith dad. She wanted to experience Easter with us and seeing it through her eyes made it even more special. We watched The Passion of Christ Sat. evening & Tonya & I cried through that. Sunday am the kids all did the scripture treasure hunt I'd prepared & eventually found their Easter baskets. Then we examined the 4 resurrection accounts and extracted so much meaning from the different perspectives as we charted what was the same and different. In the afternoon, we painted eggs and chatted with more friends who were arriving. By dinner there were 13 of us to enjoy ham & lamb with all the trimmings. It was nice to have Molly's help in the kitchen & with baking...I'm gonna miss that! Emily folded our dinner napkins into cute little rabbits except for Harvey's: he got a dead chicken which she learned to make from a waiter in Cairo:) Our guests included Tonya, a AF officer away from home, our Canadian friends, and 3 teachers; one was on his way back to Kabul where he teaches English. After dinner, we celebrated with a rousing "See What A Morning" while Ethan accompanied us on his sax, followed by "In Christ Alone." Singing at the table was a shock to Tonya but she survived Easter with the Spesserts and has been home reading through the New Testament from her Easter basket! It was such a joy to share this day with such delightful people.

Rags To Riches!

March 23, 2010

After several setbacks with this project, I'm basking in a moment of success. We knew we were making a difference with many women in terms of their own personal growth and confidence, we knew they were improving the quality of their product, what we didn't know FOR SURE was: will these sell well??? I took 22 rugs to my Bible study group of about 50 women today, sold 11 of them and the girls made $426.00 of PURE PROFIT!!! Oh, minus a box of paper clips to be exact:) We sold some rugs and some jewelry on the night of the exhibit & graduation (see photos) and now we are at over $600.00 sales. I'm so thankful for this God inspired idea which looks to benefit these women so much. Thankful too for youtube where I learned to make them myself! I'm developing friendships with several tailors, two of the Pakistani, who are so much a part of this too. They save their fabric remnants and are now welcoming me with big smiles when I show up to collect the trash bags full. They work long, hard, hours in tiny shops where the low ceiling supports another floor crammed full of sewing machines & men bowed over them. They seem to be so happy to help someone a few steps below them on the ladder.

Our "graduation" celebration was a sweet time. It was lovely to see the work displayed all over the room and to have guests come and share in their success. There was confusion of who actually got the gold embossed certificates, signed by the labor attache. These documents are highly coveted and proudly embraced by this culture it seems. We wanted them to be meaningful, but then it was hard to draw the line of who could graduate...if they missed one class, two classes? This time we have made a contract for them to sign up front that states requirements for graduation, expected work ethics (don't keep or give away what you have made:) and guidelines for managing their resources. We ALL learned a lot this first go 'round!

The top photo is me with Yoli, the welfare officer with the impossible job. She works unbelievable hours and always seems very stressed and rushed. She came to the event and stayed after the ceremony for picture taking and ended up laughing & goofing off with the "wards" and it was such a fun evening in a place so filled with sad stories. She said she felt no stress at all that night.

The fact that all their fabric had to be thrown out due to an infectious skin condition of one lady, one of the dear ladies had to go to jail in order to get to return home instead of her agency buying her a plane ticket, quarrels over who would get the limited fabric when I began to bring more, "loss" of jeans taken to them to make purses, and missing jewelry making supplies....we have much more to celebrate than be discouraged over! I pray God will give us the ability to "seek first to understand before seeking to be understood" just as we are teaching them.

Rugs & Rich Rewards

I just finished condensing the many pages of feedback our students at the shelter wrote for us. All but 3 wrote in English which was perfectly understandable although it is their second language. I am overwhelmed with joy at what God is doing here in the midst of such dire circumstances. It is what I hoped for, but I'm not sure my faith was great enough to yeild this. After Wednesday, we will be ready to start selling the products. I pray they will be enthusiastically received. The photo is of some of the rugs scattered across my floor where I've been steaming & tagging them today. When we went this week for the last class of this session, they proudly took me to a room which the managers had emptied out just for them to work in! This is a miracle, as space here is SO tight. They were wall to wall women and rugs with the fabric all piled in a corner. The gals making jewelry had their beads all hung up from a hat rack they found and it was beautifully displayed. I'll put up more pictures soon; most were not on my camera. Here is what they had to say:

“On my first few days here, life is very boring, but when I learned to make rugs, I turned those days fruitful and make myself productive to my fellow wards by teaching them the skill, instead of wasting my time gossiping.”

“The 7 Habits very important for all the housemaids here in OWWA because they help us forget some of our problems and they teach us to do the things that no need for money, like how to make the rugs.”

“It makes us more proficient upon solving and tackling the obstacles that may come to our lives. Now, we’re confident enough to face and encounter everything that lies ahead.”

“I’ve realized that God is good for He bring these people in our lives, to have hope all the time despite of all the trials we encounter each day.”

“With this course we enjoy the days here in POLO, hope it will continue to the next generation.”

“I’m so happy that they teach us how to be strong and a fighter to our lives. They also teach us to be more creative and to think more of our future, by teaching how to make bags, using the rules, also making jewelry using papers.”

“In this rug making course we don’t have work this can help me to earn money because my age there is no available work. Through this rug making I make and sell to help my family.”

“It can help me earn my way of living. I can earn money to get extra income, in making rugs, jewelry. What I have learn I teach then other friends, to share my knowledge. I am very happy cause now I return back to my nation, I’m not afraid cause I have ideas how to earn money by using my ability.”

“I am very eager to know something idea from somebody, because I want to learn more as what they learn to add my talent. In this way I can move on to not working as domestic helper. I want to make a small business.”

“We planning to put a business with my friends. We are very lucky to learn this skill because this is a good and easy job. Thank You.”