Friends & Neighbors

August 17, 2009

Friends and Neighbors

Saturday afternoon was our “hail & farewell” in the smaller sub group that Robert works with. I can’t remember anyplace ever being easier to fit in and connect with. It was nice that the Col. Prayed over the food before we ate. I enjoyed talking to his wife about the powerful mission of the group of evangelical churches in Kuwait. I’m so excited for the ministries to re-start as people return from summer holiday.

On the way home we stopped at the very posh and extravagant Avenues Mall to pick up Ethan’s new cell phone and Sim cards for the girls. These malls with their razzle-dazzle are more of a spectator sport than anything else once we view the price tags. Shopping is a major source of entertainment here as much else seems to be forbidden, so much money is spent on developing ever more impressive architecture & décor. I can’t think of anything in the states that compares to how lavish and large these shopping centers are.

As we were getting out of our car around 8:30pm, we saw our next door neighbor and said “hello.” After we introduced ourselves, he said “come, come” and escorted us all into his finely decorated sitting room. We were a bit self conscious as we had dressed for an American event, not for our first visit to a Muslim home! He began hollering in Arabic for his family to come down; the girls obviously had to take time to cover with their headscarves and change clothes. Meanwhile one of their maids served us orange juice and we chatted about his large photo on the wall: he is a retired general from the Ministry of the Interior of Kuwait. Soon his lovely girls began appearing in ordinary clothes with long sleeves, pants, and their hair was covered. The youngest is 14, the middle daughter just graduated from High School as the #1 senior in all of Kuwait, the oldest is very well educated, articulate and spoke the best English. They were very pleasant and soon were chatting with the girls, offering to take them to the mall. The Madame swept in with great flair and pomp. Her name is Kefaya which means “enough” because she was the last child, and that was enough! Next, the maid brought out little home made pizzas with local spices, olive, cheese. When the 12 year old son appeared, he took Ethan upstairs where they played on the X-box, and tossed around what we believe is his pet chicken! Ethan said it pooped on the floor a few times…no wonder, with such “play!” The boys hit it off quite well, to my surprise.

They continued to bring out lovely food for us to try, as if they had planned on our company! There was some sweet custard like stuff with nuts, muffins, delicious chocolate wrapped in silver with raised golden scrolls on it, and finally the Arabic coffee in tiny cups. Our host taught us that we must hold it with our right hand, and shake it when we were finished if we did not want more. It tasted nice, but nothing at all like coffee to me. It did not keep me awake either…the calls to prayer did that just fine!

All of the family spoke English, but sometimes the girls needed to help the parents with some translation. They are very well traveled to the US, and often to Europe; they also love Germany and had just returned from there and a trip to Paris where the designer clothes and handbags are cheaper! Kefaya (mom) works (just to stay busy) as director of a school but she is off for the summer and is finished work every day by 2 pm. Amir (dad) retired and now chooses to “rest” because he makes “much money” and does not need a second career like American military members.

We talked about the different groups of people in Kuwait and Kefaya brought up the women who dress like “Ninjas” and we just cracked up! They said the women who cover completely are either Bedouins, or radical Islamists who do it only for tradition, not religion. They sorta looked down their noses at those who do more than Muhammad requires. We wonder at the purpose of covering…if it is not to draw attention, it seems counterproductive because the women here wear fancy jewel studded black abayas and scarves that I think are much more arresting than hair would be!

We received a gratis briefing on what to look for in a housemaid, were advised to only have a live-in maid and that Philippine maids are best and the cleanest. The Bangladesh maids can’t be trusted and are inclined to run with boys. They had a maid once who asked to go to her place of worship to “pray” but they found names of boys in her cell phone and suspected the meetings were more for “playing” than praying! Their maids were friendly, happy and chatted with us. Their daughters also helped with serving us. It felt odd to be the only ones eating & drinking, they were so eager to please us, and we were so eager not to do/say something stupid!!! My kids assured me that I failed at the laterJ All the things I’ve read not to say or do, come back to mind about a millisecond after I’ve said or done them…like reaching out to shake Amir’s hand as I was leaving. They were very forgiving and nonjudgmental for which I am very thankful.
We asked them about their Ramadan traditions and learned a lot. The evening of days 13-15 the kids in the neighborhood dress up in traditional clothes and go around collecting candy or money like our Halloween…so glad to learn about this BEFORE they start ringing the bell! They look forward to all the new shows that come out on satellite TV during Ramadan which they watch at home with all the many family members who join them. So many people come there are not enough chairs for them all (trust me, there we A LOT of seats in that house!) so they push back the furniture and everyone sits on the floor to do their feasting. They eat from about 6:30 till 3am, then go in to work a little later than usual. We learned that neighbors traditionally trade dishes during this time so I’ve been searching in my new Southern Cook Book from Atlanta for some pork & alcohol free (does vanilla count since the liquid form is not available in stores here?) recipes I can make.

Kefaya told us we were blessed that we were next to them because they would look out for us. She told me to come over any time, for any reason, and “do not even knock on the door, just come right in like you are family.” I said the maid would surely call the police on me and they all laughed, Robert said Amir was the police chief, that’s why it was so funny! They assured us this is a very safe neighborhood with no crime and no worries. They told us never to call a taxi, one of them would be happy to take us anywhere we want to go. “You want to go to mall? I will take you. You want to go to grocery? I will take you. You want to go to spa? I will take you.”
Before we left, we were given a tour of the house, it’s many sitting rooms, 5 kitchens, and only I was invited into Kefaya’s personal bedroom, designed by her for her own personal use. Ali had his own large screen TV & gaming equipment in his room. Before leaving, he told Ethan “see you tomorrow.”

On Sunday, Robert & Molly had to go to work but Ethan, Emily & I were invited over to the other sibling friends; Jocelyn & Pauls. Needing to establish a driver I could trust, I called the first taxi on our list. I asked for an English driver, and the dispatcher asked “why?” When our Iranian driver showed up, he did not speak English and we nearly had to bail out of the car two blocks from the house. When I discovered there were no seat belts, I asked him to stop the car. He smiled very patronizingly and said he had none ( he understood this!) When we started to get out, he insisted he take us home. When we got out he motioned for us to wait while he yanked out the back seat and dug up the seatbelts! The car was stuffy, and he talked on the phone occasionally, but sensing my terror, he did drive quite sanely. The kids noticed his visa papers had an expiration date of January, 09.

Once again, Emily, Ethan, Paul, & Jocelyn sardines all afternoon in their enormous house (bigger than ours!) while Delores & I indulged in pedicures at her favorite salon. These are the sweetest kids and for all who prayed for good friends for our kids…be sure to thank God for answering those prayers! We are sooo thankful.

The spa we visited is run by a lady from California but the gals who gave our side-by-side pedicures were Filipino. We were pampered with tea, coffee, and amazing footwork lasting nearly two hours. The climate here contributes to some leathery feet so this was really a treat. While we were out, we saw more stay, skinny cats. They are so sad & hungry looking, we wished we could bring them all home. I don’t quite know yet why there are so many unattended cats here, I don’t think Kuwaitis consider them pets.

True to his word, Sunday evening, Ali rang the bell asking for Ethan to join him and his friend for a spin around the neighborhood (they were on rollerblades.) Reluctantly, I let him go with phone in pocket. They were back soon and asked for Ethan to join them on X Box which he did. The other friend was very, very nice and Ethan enjoyed them both. I asked about language, etc. and Ethan said there were no issues but he giggled. The friend had asked him “in American schools, when do you learn about sex?” Ethan didn’t know of course! The friend was excited because they learn here in grade 7 which is the grade he is going into!

Yesterday we made brownies and took them over after afternoon prayers…oh yes, about the prayers, I digress…
A couple of nights ago when I couldn’t sleep, I was blogging till about 3 and just stayed up to see if I could record the prayers. When the first one started at 0320, Robert got up and joined me on the roof under a starry sky and we listened as a second one converged. Shortly after, from a third direction came a new voice. It was stunning to stand in the night breeze, scanning the housetops and the minarets, listening to the mullahs sing-song calls to prayer. Before 0400 we were back in bed when the loudest of them all began, followed shortly by a fifth one. So, we learned they do not synchronize the calls, but rather spread them out!

Back to the brownies… No one came to the door for awhile, finally Amir came, clearly having just woken up! It was nap time. Kefaya was so upset about the wedding fire that took place Saturday, she had suffered a restless night. This time, Emily & I made an effort to wear clothes with maximum coverage and we nearly chuckled when they met us wearing tank tops and shorts! (Robert was not with us.) They munched brownies and Zahra invited the kids to join them for “half price Monday” at the cinema. They had to pre-order tickets online and choose their seats in advance. There were not 7 seats together in the “family” section to see GI Joe, so they asked if Emily minded sitting in the “bachelor section” with Batool & the brothers where they would be the only girls. Ali & Batool came over to our house before the movie and played some Arabic version of hide and seek that is called “3 Eggs.” Em & E taught them spoons. It was awesome that the kids seemed so content to just hang out and be with Em & Ethan. I am so thankful that we have found favor with our neighbors. Many people told us not to expect this kind of friendship with Kuwaitis, so we are feeling very blessed.

We drove, as Zarah did not have enough seat belts. Robert & I cruised the mall and “people watched” then enjoyed the most fabulous Lebanese food while they saw the movie. We tried a traditional coffee and warm rose water drink that had lemon peel in it which was nice. The grilled Haloumi cheese, tabouli, olives, pickles, fat almonds, and fresh Arabic bread was oh, so, yum. The “movie review” was quite positive except all the viewers seemed to miss the “kissing parts” which were ALL blipped from the film in a not-so-seamless way! They said any time things were becoming intimate, there was a scene change that left you wondering what happened! The neighbor kids said they HATE movies in the Gulf, they much prefer to see them in America where they are not edited. We have noticed that books are also censured here…even “Green Eggs and Ham” could not be purchased for the Embassy library! My friend Delores told me there are sections in the kid’s history books at school which are stapled together!!
Ethan is awake and wants to show me the paint ball gun he is saving money for. He has learned that they do paintballing here in old, bombed out villages from the Gulf war so he is highly motivated to earn money! He is willing to be my housekeeper before he starts school so he can save enough to purchase this $230.00 weapon of destruction!

More later….