Assumptions

October 9, 2009







I've been thinking about how many "assumptions" we operate with which we never suppose are only "Western" in nature. These things get noticed in conversations with Middle Easterners and when driving on the highway. They show up while shopping, and in reading the papers. Kids discover them in the classroom and the neighborhood. Some are amusing, and others disturbing.







1. We do not marry relatives. This discussion took place in one of Emily's classes when some members of the royal family were discussing how "odd" it was that Americans think it's peculiar to marry cousins. The one in question commented his parents were cousins, and another student replied "oh, you mean like 3rd cousins?" "No, first cousins."







2. We marry expecting it to be for life; only wealthy movie starts sign "pre-nuptual agreements." Over lunch, our next door neighbor was explaining the contract she will sign when she is to be married. She explained that depending on the wealth of the family, the parents of the bride will have a written agreement with the parents of the groom that if the marriage ends in divorce, the sum in the contract will be given to the wife.







3. The cost of a meal is what's listed on the menu. Our favorite restaurant where we love to get carry out just decided to raise the price on everything by 50% but never bothered to write this on the menu. We were left wondering why our usually 8 dinar meal was costing 12!







4. The maximal acceptable time to spend in church is 1 hour and 15 minutes:)
We went to a special event our church was planning which was billed as a "festival." It turned out to be a 4 1/2hour service with dancing and short breaks mixed in. Even Sunday services are not bound by the clock like our Anglican church in London, and back home! For many of the Third Country Nationals, church is their only life outside of work and the attitude about worship is very different.








5. Guests never eat until the host sits down and begins. Both times we had neighbors in for a meal they sat down and began eating before I'd hardly even arranged the food on the table. They were happy though to pause while we said a prayer of thanks. One explained that what they do is to individually say "thanks" and so they ask/remind each other in Arabic, "did you say thanks?"







6. Personal ads are places by "persons" not families. How interesting to read the personals here! "Family seeking professional male of similar station for daughter..."







7. Parents should never impose on their kids as they grow older. This is perhaps an unwritten rule in our culture, but not here. It is expected that the oldest son will care for the needs of the aging parent as their health begins to fail. I am told there are not many "nursing homes" here as this is not where seniors should be.







8. Witnesses of an accident stay and make report to the police. Right in front of my taxi there was a car crash last Sunday morning. Two cars tried to occupy the same space (common place) and the crash occurred under our nose; one car skidded to a stop 2 feet from our car. My driver spoke very little English and I quietly watched as he maneuvered the cab around the vehicles involved and drove on past. There is no "Good Samaritan" law here and no expectation that you should get out and assist when there has been an accident.







9. Emergency lane should be left open in case of accidents. This only adds to the fear of car crashes. Any open space is fair game for travel when roads are congested...ditches, medians, curbs, emergency lanes, between trees if you car will fit! Thankfully, Robert refrains from driving in the emergency lanes but his sense of restraint is weakening! If he really needs to make a U turn and there is not a proper turn in sight, he will bail over the curb, or median while we bob in our seats like an Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland! He is really liking this big, tough Tahoe.







10. It is rude to stare. Here, it can be a method of flirtation. I always felt it was also rude NOT to look a person in the eyes, but to do so may be to send a very wrong message in this part of the world.







11. Titles reflect degrees earned; Counselor, psychologist etc. One must carefully consider credentials and not titles to discover what kind a training lies behind a title.





12. Police do not harass drivers for no good reason, there must be a violation to stop a car. A lady in my Bible study tearfully relayed a taxi ride in which her driver was stopped for no apparent reason. He received a 20 dinar ($72.00) ticket which he meekly accepted. When this lady asked him why he was ticketed, he said the police told him he was a "filthy Indian."