October 28, 2009
During our weekly visit with the Philippine Attache, I asked him if there were any ladies who were so wounded, we didn't even see them down in the activity area. My counselor friend, Amy, had made herself available to us and I suspected there were some deeply wounded girls who may need her individual attention. Joseph immediately hit his buzzer and asked his volunteer to bring down a particular "minor" who should never have been allowed out of her country to work in the first place. Becky & I saw at once that she was incredibly sad and withdrawn, yet she agreed for us to set up a meeting with Amy.
Sunday evening I returned with Amy and they had Fabriya (name changed) waiting for us with another girl who spoke some English and some "Muslim" as they referred to Fabriya's dialect. This precious girl is only 18 years old and had only been in the country a few months when she was raped by her employers relative, raped again when she tried to flee, but was eventually brought to the safety of the Embassy.
Fabriya's brow was laced tightly with fear and her hands just seemed so...empty. Through her interpreter, she haltingly shared bits of her story. As Amy tried to assure her that she was now SAFE, her eyes leaked grief and pain. As I tried to fall asleep that night, I could still see the horror, the lostness, and the anguish in Fabriya's young, soft face. She wanted us to pray for her which we gladly did. I knew we were blanketed in prayer from others who knew of our meeting. With the limitations imposed by the language barrier, our dependence on the Holy Spirit was even more obvious. Amy was so gentle and professional with her, and it seemed her spirit really opened. She agreed to eat even though she had not been hungry, and wanted us to come again. At the end, I responded to a strong urge to just hold her close. I just wanted to bring her home and tuck her in bed, let her be a teenager like my own dear girls. I told her God was her Father and she was precious to him. I told her she was beautiful to God. I stroked her cheek and assured her God had a good plan for her life. It is such an unbelievable privilege to be His lips and hands!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Up Close & Personal
October 23, 2009
It's one thing to read about injustice & abuse in the paper; it's another to see it right under your nose. By some miracle, I still don't find myself "hating" or stereotyping people. God has given me a compassion that allows me to not generalize characteristics among certain groups of people. He has tenderized my heart and I pray it will continue to be so, even after stories like this one.
I wrote about the American businessman who was beaten after he tried to help a housemaid who had been raped. This same gentleman sent a panicked email after receiving a threat from one of the perpetrators of the crime who was also a police: he was told to leave the country or he may find himself in a deep hole in the sand in the middle of the desert. This man packed up and left the same day, as he felt the situation to be urgent. It saddens me deeply as this gentleman was truly concerned about the plight of foreign workers here. He had been negotiating with their agency to get them ONE DAY off per month, as till now, they had worked 7 days/week. We can do nothing but PRAY, yet I am convicted when I say "nothing BUT" as God may be teaching me it is not by power, or by might, but by Him alone that change will happen.
Today my neighbor's maid came over to bring back a dish and she took time to visit. As she poured out her heart, I was again saddened and hit with how powerless I am. As she shared her experience, she told me her husband was a Baptist and he used to read to her from the Bible. I asked if she had one, and she told me the agency took it away when she came to this country. As I was about to give her one, I was cautioned by Robert that I first needed to check the rules on such matters: I knew we could not give the Bible to a Muslim, but perhaps to a non Muslim it was okay? In the meantime, I prayed with her and read to her from Psalm 30 where David poured out his grief to God, who turned his mourning into dancing. I'm beginning to understand the strong pull that many disadvantaged believers have towards heaven! We are so content here, we barely give heaven a thought...not so for these dear brothers and sisters! What a joy to be able to pray for her strength and refreshment. The Holy Spirit will be her Comforter, I can give her a hug and a prayer. God, please let that be enough.
It's one thing to read about injustice & abuse in the paper; it's another to see it right under your nose. By some miracle, I still don't find myself "hating" or stereotyping people. God has given me a compassion that allows me to not generalize characteristics among certain groups of people. He has tenderized my heart and I pray it will continue to be so, even after stories like this one.
I wrote about the American businessman who was beaten after he tried to help a housemaid who had been raped. This same gentleman sent a panicked email after receiving a threat from one of the perpetrators of the crime who was also a police: he was told to leave the country or he may find himself in a deep hole in the sand in the middle of the desert. This man packed up and left the same day, as he felt the situation to be urgent. It saddens me deeply as this gentleman was truly concerned about the plight of foreign workers here. He had been negotiating with their agency to get them ONE DAY off per month, as till now, they had worked 7 days/week. We can do nothing but PRAY, yet I am convicted when I say "nothing BUT" as God may be teaching me it is not by power, or by might, but by Him alone that change will happen.
Today my neighbor's maid came over to bring back a dish and she took time to visit. As she poured out her heart, I was again saddened and hit with how powerless I am. As she shared her experience, she told me her husband was a Baptist and he used to read to her from the Bible. I asked if she had one, and she told me the agency took it away when she came to this country. As I was about to give her one, I was cautioned by Robert that I first needed to check the rules on such matters: I knew we could not give the Bible to a Muslim, but perhaps to a non Muslim it was okay? In the meantime, I prayed with her and read to her from Psalm 30 where David poured out his grief to God, who turned his mourning into dancing. I'm beginning to understand the strong pull that many disadvantaged believers have towards heaven! We are so content here, we barely give heaven a thought...not so for these dear brothers and sisters! What a joy to be able to pray for her strength and refreshment. The Holy Spirit will be her Comforter, I can give her a hug and a prayer. God, please let that be enough.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
In The Flow
October 15
If Becky and I have been a tiny stream these past few weeks; it feels like we have just come 'round a bend and have been swept up in the flow of the river itself. First, God blessed me with an experienced friend who shares my heart for ministry among the underclass domestic servants who have been mistreated. Becky has been serving God in Indonesia, Cambodia, Hong Kong, and Canada prior to this move. She brings great wisdom, warmth, and is a cherished friend. Next, we felt the momentum increase when we met the "movers and shakers" involved in this type of work here in Kuwait and were introduced to the man in charge at the Philippine Embassy. We were honored to receive his favor and have been moving forward in regular service to these precious ladies.
Last week, I was asked to consider sitting on the council of Operation Hope Kuwait; a charity which provides for the needs of impoverished Third Country Nationals who are seen to be at the bottom of the heap in this class conscious society. This seemed very odd indeed for someone so new in the country with no proven skills! I agreed to entertain the idea but thought to myself "I don't want to be spread too thin." The same day this was proposed, I just happened to run into the founder of Operation Hope and we agreed to meet.
Sheryll & I met today at her home and I have been awed by God at his strategic use of people and resources. I have never felt so clearly that I am "in the flow" of God's divine purposes. He is gently making himself known through these humanitarian works of service which is speaking volumes to the native people of this land as well as to Third Country Nationals from all over the world. My desires and availability to serve this specific population was a direct answer to the vision God was growing inside Sheryll and the OH council. Instead of me having "one more thing to do," by stepping into the role of OH contact at the Embassy, it assures the work that I do will not end with our departure from the country, but will build on what God has been doing here for years and will continue long after we are gone! This also allows me the privilege of working with some amazing Christian Visionaries from whom I can learn So much!
October 19
On Saturday, I attended my first Council Meeting and was pleased to meet up with such incredible people. One man described his "wake up call" which came a month ago. He came out of retirement to work in real estate development here but his wife lives in the states. Because he had been volunteering with the runaway maids, he got a distress call that a maid had just been raped, beaten, and was trying to escape her employer. He rushed to the scene only to be admitted to the house, then fiercely beaten & thrown out. When the owner heard him call the police, they beat him again. The police did come, but not for the rapist; they took HIM to jail. He was told to NEVER put his nose in other's business again. His good connections meant he only got chastised and not imprisoned or kicked out of the country. His broken bones are healing but his zeal for justice was ignited.
I cannot share events like this without humbly pointing out that similar injustices occur EVERYWHERE and Kuwait does not have a corner on corruption in the police force. I am just so thankful for an organization that quietly goes about loving "the least of these" and setting an example of treating people with the dignity their Creator intended. The fact that the founder of OH is American, married to a wonderful and supportive Kuwaiti man is evidence that many people here care deeply about the way laborers are treated. I have much to learn about the way justice is, or is not carried out here. As a Christian Humanitarian organization, the focus is on serving, and hearts are gradually changing. I know any forceful approach toward the government here would only jeopardize the ability to reach these people with the love they need. My constant prayer is the one prayed by Mary Sumner in 1876:
All this day O lord
Let me touch as many lives as possible for Thee;
And every life I touch
Do Thou by Thy Spirit Quicken
Whether through the word I speak
The prayer I breathe
or the life I live.
As I write, the clean scent of Pine Sol is wafting from the kitchen!!! Finally, my house is getting a proper cleaning instead of just wiping up spills! My friend and neighbor needed a live in maid but did not have enough cleaning to keep her busy, so we decided to "share" a maid and split her salary and expenses. She is highly motivated and takes initiative to do what she sees that needs done. I am overjoyed at the prospect of not having to chose between cleaning or working on nursing studies or the projects I love. There have not been enough hours in the day lately and all of us collapse in bed at night in sheer exhaustion. The evenings we are at home are usually spent helping the kids with homework, Molly with college prep, cooking and keeping school uniforms clean and pressed. It is such an unbelievable treat to have help with this enormous house.
Last night Robert & I had a welcome event at the Ambassadors house. She is a lovely lady who articulates our mission here very well. The US Embassy Ambassador's home was built as a thank you gift from the Kuwaitis after the Gulf War...from looking at the house, one would conclude they were VERY appreciative! It is lavish; more like a Ritz Carlton Hotel lobby than anything else. The appetizers were fantastic, especially the mini pumpkin squares. I've not yet seen a can of pumpkin in this country.
The past two Sundays with our Ladies at the Philippine Embassy have gone very well. Becky & I were able to be much more prepared when we arrived on our second Sunday morning. We took time to listen and learn about the needs and desires of the residents before we led them in a head, neck & shoulders massage workshop. We asked to work with the ones who have been there the longest who have been identified as the leaders. Our intent is that they speak for the others regarding the needs, and that what we teach them, they will teach the other residents.
We had such fun doing the massage techniques with them, they were so proud to be able to give each other such relaxing massage. I suspect just having human touch and laughter did them all much good as well.
This week we took supplies to try out the sewing machines they had been given. Only 1 of 4 was in working order, but we still managed to get a good start on some pillowcases which they can then do needlepoint on. The project we hope to move forward soon is making tote bags out of plastic grocery bags which are crocheted into beautiful designs. These can be sold for a profit which will benefit the ladies, and they will learn a skill which can be used later to earn income with hardly any startup cost! An Indian lady is teaching us this skill and all are very excited about the potential. We are discussing other ideas constantly; such fun to be in the middle of this creative energy and people who really want to make a difference for the ladies. God help us see "what is not, as though it WAS!" The great frustration is the time it takes to obtain the legal documents so the maids can get out of "lockdown limbo" and get on with their lives either with a new job, or back in the Philippines.
Thankfully, Ethan's face is healing well. He is not loving school much this week; neither is Emily. Have I mentioned how hard transitions are at this age? Ugh. Having course work that is college level does not make it any easier for Emily, yet she loves the challenge. She has read 7 books so far this year in her honors English class. She is currently comparing Dante's Inferno with Virgil's Aeneid! She can now explain the whole of the economic meltdown from what she has learned in economics. She finally got a good grade in Pre calculus. The education is very valuable if only it does not kill her in the process! Ethan is finding he has to work more than he used to in order to get good grades. I long for free time as a family & feel guilty when Robert & I get to spend time out and about.
I've not mentioned the lovely times we've been having with our neighbors. Molly did a terrific blog on "Love" as we discussed it at lunch on Saturday. I'm just incredibly thankful for the easy exchange we are sharing with these two families. It was amazing to be able to talk about the sacrificial lamb of Abraham when he went to sacrifice his son on the altar, and to explain how we shared this same heritage, except we no longer sacrifice the lamb BECAUSE OF JESUS! We were told that we may be the beneficiaries of some freshly slaughtered lamb (some families have them grazing on their property already) during the upcoming celebration of this historic event: EID...yes, same as the end of Ramadan, I don't yet know why it is called the same thing. Lucky for the young girls, both holidays mean they get new clothes!
The only hint of fall here is found inside American homes where we proudly display leafy arrangements and autumn colors! It is a gorgeous 98 degrees outside today. A table & chairs was delivered this week for our roof top which is really fun! Unfortunately, it gets dark here around 5:30 as the evenings are getting to be so nice. Evening hours mean everyone in the country are out on the road, so it is a nice time to be home. We did face the traffic Sat. evening to take Ethan down by the marina where he could rollerblade with a friend. The boardwalk along the Gulf is quite nice with parks built in, and eve a skate park which Ethan was NOT ready for! There are Starbucks, Johnny Rockets, and TGIF's to choose from. A real bonus was that the sea no longer smelled of sewage! For awhile, it was easy to forget where we were.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
4 Hospitals and 13 Stitches
Or, we could call it "Ethan's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day!"
I was awake from 3-4 am with back pain after straining a muscle last evening, so I was happy to sleep in a bit. As Robert & I lay in bed talking, we made the mistake of asking "what should we do today?" Other than play practice for Ethan and making breakfast for the kids plus two extras we had accumulated, it was finally a "light" day.
I woke up all the kids at nine and suggested they all get started on homework. Downstairs in the kitchen I heard a muffled scream but it didn't register as troublesome, as Ethan & Aaron had been horse playing and having fun. A frightened Aaron came running to get us shortly after and I found Emily in Ethan's bathroom, calming a bleeding, screaming brother. At first I thought his lip was split in two, I later realized the wound began above the lip and ran up toward his nose for about a half an inch. They had resumed the sword fighting they were so enjoying last evening in his bedroom (yes, there is plenty of room for a duel!) but somehow they made contact when none had been intended.
Everyone including Molly's guest, Julie was given a job to do: stay with Ethan, get ice, clean blood out of the carpet, call the insurance company, call the local clinic! Thus began a very long day.
Selecting the best clinic or hospital was more difficult than we imagined and our insurance company was willing for us to go wherever we wanted. Since we had been to Royal Hyatt twice with good experiences, and it was super clean and new; we started there. They were happy to see us, but since it was a Saturday, no cosmetic surgeons were available. They advised us to go to Al Mubaric, the public trauma hospital across the way.
Ethan & I went inside hospital #2 while Robert parked and we could tell by the clientele that we were across the street but in a different world. Our first stop was the toilets and they were so revolting with no sign of hand soap, we promptly left. I could not possibly have him in there with an open wound.
After a couple of phone calls, we learned of another private hospital 3 miles away with a good reputation and drove on over. Al Mowasat Hospital was not fancy but clean. We tried to explain that our insurance had a contract with them and they had guaranteed payment, but they insisted we pay our flat fee of 15 KD ($52.oo) before being seen. Arguing, when English is barely spoken and understood is pretty futile, so we paid the fee and were ushered right into a room. An older surgeon entered promptly and scanned the wound. We asked about a cosmetic surgeon but he assured us that in Kuwait, cosmetic surgeons don't work on "fresh" wounds. He insisted the scar would be minimal and set out to repair it. Pleased that at least we didn't have a young intern, we carried on.
I began to get concerned when the doctor only cleaned around the outside of the wound, but never inside it. After he had numbed Ethan up, he was about to start suturing when I asked if he was going to irrigate and clean it "now that you've anaesthetised him?" He gave me a stone cold look and said "why don't you let me do my job?" Ah, sir, I realize you are the one holding the needle, but this is my son and I've spent a day or two in the ER....I didn't say that of course, but he DID pick up a spot of Betadine and make a cursory sweep over the wound before continuing. I thought in the end, the sutures looked appropriate, he put him on antibiotic, put a bandaid on which was to "stay on" (lasted less than an hour) and he sent us on our way.
Ethan was quite upset that he would not be able to audition for honor band on Sunday as he'd been practicing for; this is a big deal and those selected get to travel and perform in cool locations. He was also worried about missing the Oliver practice today. Since he was feeling well, we decided to take him, so others would not suffer from his absence even if he couldn't sing. Robert stayed, and was there when another careless student lunged and accidentally hit Ethan in the face. When I saw him, I began to fear that the edges of the wound were not tight enough...whether it was the second injury or not, I didn't know. I spoke to our reps in London several times and finally sent them a photo of his stitches so they could tell me if I was just being a over worried mom, in a panic about facial scarring on her little boy! They wanted to find me a plastic surgeon!!! By 7pm, they found a guy who was to be in clinic until 8. We got directions off the internet (rarely works around here) and dashed off in heavy traffic to find this place.
During the next hour and a half we traveled to the south of the country, and back north again to the city while talking to seemingly endless Indian nationals who spoke a version of English that was entirely meaningless to us. Our London liaisons were so amazing and somehow the doctor who stayed open till 8 was going to be there until 9. I was just about to give up and go buy steri strips to help hold him together, when I got a working phone number for the clinic. After speaking to yet another receptionist I couldn't understand, a man came on the phone and stayed with us through every turn, U-Turn, lite and wrong turn, until we pulled up to the high rise building. I thanked him and asked if he knew where in the building we could find the plastic surgeon and he said "mam, I AM the plastic surgeon and I'm on the 5th floor!"
By 9pm Ethan was back on the operating table getting his face re-opened, pumped full of anesthesia, and done properly. Thank God we persisted. He said he could only re-do it up to 24 hours after the injury, and it would have healed with a dip in his face because the muscle layer needed to be sutured separately from the skin. He thoroughly cleaned out the wound this time before sewing him back up. This guy was so great Ethan wanted us to give him a "tip!" When Robert payed the bill, we thought that was probably not necessary...the difference between a lousy job and a professional piece of work was well over a thousand US dollars!
Thank God for nagging doubts that make us push till we get answers. Thank God for good insurance and doctors, even though it takes all day to find them!
I was awake from 3-4 am with back pain after straining a muscle last evening, so I was happy to sleep in a bit. As Robert & I lay in bed talking, we made the mistake of asking "what should we do today?" Other than play practice for Ethan and making breakfast for the kids plus two extras we had accumulated, it was finally a "light" day.
I woke up all the kids at nine and suggested they all get started on homework. Downstairs in the kitchen I heard a muffled scream but it didn't register as troublesome, as Ethan & Aaron had been horse playing and having fun. A frightened Aaron came running to get us shortly after and I found Emily in Ethan's bathroom, calming a bleeding, screaming brother. At first I thought his lip was split in two, I later realized the wound began above the lip and ran up toward his nose for about a half an inch. They had resumed the sword fighting they were so enjoying last evening in his bedroom (yes, there is plenty of room for a duel!) but somehow they made contact when none had been intended.
Everyone including Molly's guest, Julie was given a job to do: stay with Ethan, get ice, clean blood out of the carpet, call the insurance company, call the local clinic! Thus began a very long day.
Selecting the best clinic or hospital was more difficult than we imagined and our insurance company was willing for us to go wherever we wanted. Since we had been to Royal Hyatt twice with good experiences, and it was super clean and new; we started there. They were happy to see us, but since it was a Saturday, no cosmetic surgeons were available. They advised us to go to Al Mubaric, the public trauma hospital across the way.
Ethan & I went inside hospital #2 while Robert parked and we could tell by the clientele that we were across the street but in a different world. Our first stop was the toilets and they were so revolting with no sign of hand soap, we promptly left. I could not possibly have him in there with an open wound.
After a couple of phone calls, we learned of another private hospital 3 miles away with a good reputation and drove on over. Al Mowasat Hospital was not fancy but clean. We tried to explain that our insurance had a contract with them and they had guaranteed payment, but they insisted we pay our flat fee of 15 KD ($52.oo) before being seen. Arguing, when English is barely spoken and understood is pretty futile, so we paid the fee and were ushered right into a room. An older surgeon entered promptly and scanned the wound. We asked about a cosmetic surgeon but he assured us that in Kuwait, cosmetic surgeons don't work on "fresh" wounds. He insisted the scar would be minimal and set out to repair it. Pleased that at least we didn't have a young intern, we carried on.
I began to get concerned when the doctor only cleaned around the outside of the wound, but never inside it. After he had numbed Ethan up, he was about to start suturing when I asked if he was going to irrigate and clean it "now that you've anaesthetised him?" He gave me a stone cold look and said "why don't you let me do my job?" Ah, sir, I realize you are the one holding the needle, but this is my son and I've spent a day or two in the ER....I didn't say that of course, but he DID pick up a spot of Betadine and make a cursory sweep over the wound before continuing. I thought in the end, the sutures looked appropriate, he put him on antibiotic, put a bandaid on which was to "stay on" (lasted less than an hour) and he sent us on our way.
Ethan was quite upset that he would not be able to audition for honor band on Sunday as he'd been practicing for; this is a big deal and those selected get to travel and perform in cool locations. He was also worried about missing the Oliver practice today. Since he was feeling well, we decided to take him, so others would not suffer from his absence even if he couldn't sing. Robert stayed, and was there when another careless student lunged and accidentally hit Ethan in the face. When I saw him, I began to fear that the edges of the wound were not tight enough...whether it was the second injury or not, I didn't know. I spoke to our reps in London several times and finally sent them a photo of his stitches so they could tell me if I was just being a over worried mom, in a panic about facial scarring on her little boy! They wanted to find me a plastic surgeon!!! By 7pm, they found a guy who was to be in clinic until 8. We got directions off the internet (rarely works around here) and dashed off in heavy traffic to find this place.
During the next hour and a half we traveled to the south of the country, and back north again to the city while talking to seemingly endless Indian nationals who spoke a version of English that was entirely meaningless to us. Our London liaisons were so amazing and somehow the doctor who stayed open till 8 was going to be there until 9. I was just about to give up and go buy steri strips to help hold him together, when I got a working phone number for the clinic. After speaking to yet another receptionist I couldn't understand, a man came on the phone and stayed with us through every turn, U-Turn, lite and wrong turn, until we pulled up to the high rise building. I thanked him and asked if he knew where in the building we could find the plastic surgeon and he said "mam, I AM the plastic surgeon and I'm on the 5th floor!"
By 9pm Ethan was back on the operating table getting his face re-opened, pumped full of anesthesia, and done properly. Thank God we persisted. He said he could only re-do it up to 24 hours after the injury, and it would have healed with a dip in his face because the muscle layer needed to be sutured separately from the skin. He thoroughly cleaned out the wound this time before sewing him back up. This guy was so great Ethan wanted us to give him a "tip!" When Robert payed the bill, we thought that was probably not necessary...the difference between a lousy job and a professional piece of work was well over a thousand US dollars!
Thank God for nagging doubts that make us push till we get answers. Thank God for good insurance and doctors, even though it takes all day to find them!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Assumptions
October 9, 2009
I've been thinking about how many "assumptions" we operate with which we never suppose are only "Western" in nature. These things get noticed in conversations with Middle Easterners and when driving on the highway. They show up while shopping, and in reading the papers. Kids discover them in the classroom and the neighborhood. Some are amusing, and others disturbing.
1. We do not marry relatives. This discussion took place in one of Emily's classes when some members of the royal family were discussing how "odd" it was that Americans think it's peculiar to marry cousins. The one in question commented his parents were cousins, and another student replied "oh, you mean like 3rd cousins?" "No, first cousins."
2. We marry expecting it to be for life; only wealthy movie starts sign "pre-nuptual agreements." Over lunch, our next door neighbor was explaining the contract she will sign when she is to be married. She explained that depending on the wealth of the family, the parents of the bride will have a written agreement with the parents of the groom that if the marriage ends in divorce, the sum in the contract will be given to the wife.
3. The cost of a meal is what's listed on the menu. Our favorite restaurant where we love to get carry out just decided to raise the price on everything by 50% but never bothered to write this on the menu. We were left wondering why our usually 8 dinar meal was costing 12!
4. The maximal acceptable time to spend in church is 1 hour and 15 minutes:)
We went to a special event our church was planning which was billed as a "festival." It turned out to be a 4 1/2hour service with dancing and short breaks mixed in. Even Sunday services are not bound by the clock like our Anglican church in London, and back home! For many of the Third Country Nationals, church is their only life outside of work and the attitude about worship is very different.
5. Guests never eat until the host sits down and begins. Both times we had neighbors in for a meal they sat down and began eating before I'd hardly even arranged the food on the table. They were happy though to pause while we said a prayer of thanks. One explained that what they do is to individually say "thanks" and so they ask/remind each other in Arabic, "did you say thanks?"
6. Personal ads are places by "persons" not families. How interesting to read the personals here! "Family seeking professional male of similar station for daughter..."
7. Parents should never impose on their kids as they grow older. This is perhaps an unwritten rule in our culture, but not here. It is expected that the oldest son will care for the needs of the aging parent as their health begins to fail. I am told there are not many "nursing homes" here as this is not where seniors should be.
8. Witnesses of an accident stay and make report to the police. Right in front of my taxi there was a car crash last Sunday morning. Two cars tried to occupy the same space (common place) and the crash occurred under our nose; one car skidded to a stop 2 feet from our car. My driver spoke very little English and I quietly watched as he maneuvered the cab around the vehicles involved and drove on past. There is no "Good Samaritan" law here and no expectation that you should get out and assist when there has been an accident.
9. Emergency lane should be left open in case of accidents. This only adds to the fear of car crashes. Any open space is fair game for travel when roads are congested...ditches, medians, curbs, emergency lanes, between trees if you car will fit! Thankfully, Robert refrains from driving in the emergency lanes but his sense of restraint is weakening! If he really needs to make a U turn and there is not a proper turn in sight, he will bail over the curb, or median while we bob in our seats like an Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland! He is really liking this big, tough Tahoe.
10. It is rude to stare. Here, it can be a method of flirtation. I always felt it was also rude NOT to look a person in the eyes, but to do so may be to send a very wrong message in this part of the world.
11. Titles reflect degrees earned; Counselor, psychologist etc. One must carefully consider credentials and not titles to discover what kind a training lies behind a title.
12. Police do not harass drivers for no good reason, there must be a violation to stop a car. A lady in my Bible study tearfully relayed a taxi ride in which her driver was stopped for no apparent reason. He received a 20 dinar ($72.00) ticket which he meekly accepted. When this lady asked him why he was ticketed, he said the police told him he was a "filthy Indian."
I've been thinking about how many "assumptions" we operate with which we never suppose are only "Western" in nature. These things get noticed in conversations with Middle Easterners and when driving on the highway. They show up while shopping, and in reading the papers. Kids discover them in the classroom and the neighborhood. Some are amusing, and others disturbing.
1. We do not marry relatives. This discussion took place in one of Emily's classes when some members of the royal family were discussing how "odd" it was that Americans think it's peculiar to marry cousins. The one in question commented his parents were cousins, and another student replied "oh, you mean like 3rd cousins?" "No, first cousins."
2. We marry expecting it to be for life; only wealthy movie starts sign "pre-nuptual agreements." Over lunch, our next door neighbor was explaining the contract she will sign when she is to be married. She explained that depending on the wealth of the family, the parents of the bride will have a written agreement with the parents of the groom that if the marriage ends in divorce, the sum in the contract will be given to the wife.
3. The cost of a meal is what's listed on the menu. Our favorite restaurant where we love to get carry out just decided to raise the price on everything by 50% but never bothered to write this on the menu. We were left wondering why our usually 8 dinar meal was costing 12!
4. The maximal acceptable time to spend in church is 1 hour and 15 minutes:)
We went to a special event our church was planning which was billed as a "festival." It turned out to be a 4 1/2hour service with dancing and short breaks mixed in. Even Sunday services are not bound by the clock like our Anglican church in London, and back home! For many of the Third Country Nationals, church is their only life outside of work and the attitude about worship is very different.
5. Guests never eat until the host sits down and begins. Both times we had neighbors in for a meal they sat down and began eating before I'd hardly even arranged the food on the table. They were happy though to pause while we said a prayer of thanks. One explained that what they do is to individually say "thanks" and so they ask/remind each other in Arabic, "did you say thanks?"
6. Personal ads are places by "persons" not families. How interesting to read the personals here! "Family seeking professional male of similar station for daughter..."
7. Parents should never impose on their kids as they grow older. This is perhaps an unwritten rule in our culture, but not here. It is expected that the oldest son will care for the needs of the aging parent as their health begins to fail. I am told there are not many "nursing homes" here as this is not where seniors should be.
8. Witnesses of an accident stay and make report to the police. Right in front of my taxi there was a car crash last Sunday morning. Two cars tried to occupy the same space (common place) and the crash occurred under our nose; one car skidded to a stop 2 feet from our car. My driver spoke very little English and I quietly watched as he maneuvered the cab around the vehicles involved and drove on past. There is no "Good Samaritan" law here and no expectation that you should get out and assist when there has been an accident.
9. Emergency lane should be left open in case of accidents. This only adds to the fear of car crashes. Any open space is fair game for travel when roads are congested...ditches, medians, curbs, emergency lanes, between trees if you car will fit! Thankfully, Robert refrains from driving in the emergency lanes but his sense of restraint is weakening! If he really needs to make a U turn and there is not a proper turn in sight, he will bail over the curb, or median while we bob in our seats like an Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland! He is really liking this big, tough Tahoe.
10. It is rude to stare. Here, it can be a method of flirtation. I always felt it was also rude NOT to look a person in the eyes, but to do so may be to send a very wrong message in this part of the world.
11. Titles reflect degrees earned; Counselor, psychologist etc. One must carefully consider credentials and not titles to discover what kind a training lies behind a title.
12. Police do not harass drivers for no good reason, there must be a violation to stop a car. A lady in my Bible study tearfully relayed a taxi ride in which her driver was stopped for no apparent reason. He received a 20 dinar ($72.00) ticket which he meekly accepted. When this lady asked him why he was ticketed, he said the police told him he was a "filthy Indian."
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Update
As I was looking for websites that might help Emily in her research for an essay on Islam & Christianity when I came across this barricade: "This website has been restricted based on the instructions of the Ministry of Communication.We apologize for the inconvenience." Freedom of the press has it's limits it seems! Funny little discrepancies like this keep cropping up.
I can't believe it's been a week since I last wrote. Every day was brimming full with people and places. I am gradually becoming more and more attached to my new i pod touch. It is a wonderful companion to keep me organized and make the most of my time. I love being able to listen to Selah's Greatest Hymns and read from The Message in my palm while riding in a taxi!
The shape of my work is is slowly taking on more definition. I'm so thrilled with the people I've been able to meet who share my desires and have such wisdom and experience. I attended the first Kuwait Ladies Bible Study group on Tuesday and was delighted at such a well organized and diverse group of women coming together with a common purpose. We are doing "Me, Myself, and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild. I am thankful that I had been studying the power of our thought life, it gave me some inspiration when I needed it most.
When Becky and I went to work with "our ladies" we had one session that was one-on-one, then were told the boss wanted to speak with us. We discussed several ideas for how we might spend our time and he was very grateful and trusting of our abilities. He is a very wise and insightful man and I am thankful for his guidance. He felt if we could do some group teaching, that might be the best place to start, so he asked an assistant to choose 15 ladies who were new arrivals and find a room...we were thinking; okay, so next week we will need to plan a workshop type of a thing.... when the assistant returned and said "they are ready." We looked at each other, sent a SOS prayer up, and headed downstairs to a room full of waiting, frightened, sad women. We excused ourselves to the ladies room long enough for a quick "what are we gonna do now????" then returned and plunged in! Becky was great to team with, God kept us both on the same page and hopefully someone benefitted from the exercises we did on managing our self-talk in times of stress. As we begin to hear their stories, it pains us that we are so helpless to assist them in the legal issues they face, but what a joy to take them to one who can!
I had a wonderful day out with my Lebanese fried who I met in the grocery store this week. She was so generous to give me a day of driving around Kuwait so I could see where some great shopping places were. Her 3 children were in school, but she is also a full time student working on a second masters degree, so I know she is very busy. We had such fun at the Iranian markets and I got the best prices EVER with her there to tell them in Arabic "you can do better than that!"
It has been fun to entertain here; everyone from young single American teachers we find in need of a home cooked meal with a family, to Muslim neighbors. We had a mother-daughter tea with the lady across the street on Saturday which was a hoot! They called first to see if there would be any males around & we assured them the boys would be gone all afternoon. I had made Coronation chicken salad, cucumber salad & blueberry cobbler, but they arrived carrying chicken, rice, and dessert! They wanted us to taste some of their food too. So we piled it all on the table and had a terrific feast. We think they enjoyed their own food more than ours...it was super delicious! They enjoyed looking at pictures and sharing family stories. When they left, they asked us to come to their house, same time next week! What should I take???
Friday, September 25, 2009
Daughter Not for Sale or Rent
Friday Market
Pet Market
Colored Chicks for Sale
Ethan & Aaron petting chicks
He asked for this picture to be taken!
Bird Flu Anyone?
Poor Monkey, holding onto Ethan's pants & heart September 25, 2009
After church today Becky, Harvey & Aaron joined us for lunch at a Persian cafe and a stroll through the "Friday Market." Everywhere we went, we seemed to attract a crowd. Neither place was really frequented by Westerners so we were a bit of an oddity. We figured it was probably the pretty girls we had with us...girls/women were few and far between at the market and there were none in the restaurant. At lunch, they started bringing us all steaming bowls of squash (?) soup before we even saw a menu. Next came bowls of some kind of green leaf with raw onions and limes; Robert found this quite tasty and the soup was super! The waiter spoke no English, but he left and returned with a professor at the university who studied in San Diego who was delighted to help us order. They threw in a lot of free food and took very good care of their guests.
We wanted to see the pet section at the Friday market as we had heard how colorful it was. We didn't think about how sad it might be. Animal rights does not seem to be a big priority here! I have no idea what they use to dye the chickens they sell, but we saw some of them in boxes of neon colored powders. We saw bunnies being carried around wearing little tu-tus. Beautiful dogs were for sale out of the back of vehicles. The monkey was confined on a dirty patch of concrete under a tiny wire cover. Ethan really wanted to bring him home! I think the feeling was mutual. One boy was taunting the dogs with a chicken he carried by its wing tips.
While looking at the animals, Molly kindly showed one little boy the bunnie she was petting. The next thing we knew, the boy, his two brothers, and his daddy were following us everywhere we went. The dad wanted a photo made with Molly, then he wanted her phone number! He thought she was English, and Molly finally understood the proposition he was making: he wanted her to accompany him to England and care for his boys. Wow. There is no shortage of "work" for Molly here! The way the young guys flirt here really "creeps her out" as well. They simply STARE, and follow her with their eyes till she is out of range. We were told this is common. That doesn't make it any easier.
We must return to work on our Christmas photo outfits! I made my first "costume" purchase today, but there are so many choices of interesting Asian clothes, it will be a challenge!
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